A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just want some raw honest advice. I have been with this guy for over a year. I love him, he loves me. He would NEVER cheat on me, he is financially stable, if I ask him to do something (reasonable) he always does. We just aren't getting something. I've read books, gone to counseling and we are still fighting. I just don't know if we will make it through this or if I need to walk away. The fights get dirty, I can get sarcastic but I don't call names nor am I hateful. Today we went to a baseball game, there is alcohol allowed and we were with another couple. The only other person in the room (keep in mind we are at a baseball game in a club room) was a mother and her newborn.. we didn't know them. Well, my boyfriend mixed our drink (we were sharing) REALLY strong, I took a sip and make a joke and said "Geez that tasted like rubbing alcohol" he immediately snapped back in a hateful voice and said "Could you be quiet!"..I just looked at him.. and with astonishment said "You need to chill out...??" He then said that the guy that gave us the box seats said that they didn't care if you drank just not to advertise it...I replied back and said, I'm not advertising it? This is the same guy who throws massive parties and is always the host and always making sure everyone has a drink in his hand...and the only other person in the entire room was this woman??? Well he just walked off while I was trying to explain that I didn't think it was such a big deal and he turned, snapped at me in a hateful voice again and said "BUTTON IT!"..I in return said...astonished again.."Youre not my father??" he said "Button it" again and I just dropped it because I didn't want anyone else to hear or make a big deal out of it. When we got home we started fighting about it and I said I didn't want him treating me that way and he said "Well, if you are going to be an immature bitch then I don't want to take you around my friends or collegues.."...I was in tears by this point...and said "If I am not good enough for you then you need to go find yourself a better girlfriend" and walked went and got in the shower...He opened the shower door and said "I want you out"...I said ok..crying..and continued to shower..he slammed the door...then opened it again and said, "No now, I want you out of my house now..." and made me get out of the shower...I went to go get on some clothes..bawling at this point then he started saying...if you don't want to be with me then you need to just leave...that is when I was said I NEVER said that...I said if I wasn't good enough then you can go find someone else...he started back tracking and saying I didnt have to leave...I didn't have anywhere to go so I stayed...but he just went into his bedroom shut the door and didn't say a word to me..now he is in bed... Am I just not seeing his side of the story?? Do I need to just walk away?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Good For you! Stay Strong and Be Well!
If you begin to weaken and need some encouragement, feel free to private message me. I would be honored to be part of your support system!
Britt
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of the advice, I really just think that sometimes I am a catalyst for his behavior but I've never been treated this way before. I am moving out and walking away. I appreciate all of the support..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Your relationship is disfunctional. It's never going to be good for you. Leave it now, leave it forever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): Sounds like he has anger issues. Your best bet would be to get out of the relationship before he starts getting physicaly violent with you. If I were you I'd call a friend or a relative to stay with till you can get back on your feet. HAWC shelter if no where eles. But if you have been with him over a year and he is progressively becoming more violent with you then you need to get out while you still can. Apparently you have tried to improve the relationship with books and counseling but what has he done...If you need to talk to someone to find help call this number:HAWC# 1-800-547-1649or1-800-799-SAFE(7233)TTY-1-800-787-3224
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): God! It sounds so familar to me...oh yeah, because I lived it for years!
Fights and arguments over stupid things! Arguments that turn into terrible fights...where everyone says things that they can never take back!
It's no way to live! I chose to leave after many years of trying to fix it! I couldn't. The only consilation I have is that no one can ever say I didn't try! His own family tells me that I did the best I could!
In the end there was nothing I could do but walk away.
It's your decision, and I wish you the best of luck!
Britt
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): I have been married for nine years and I know the argument you are talkin about. think I have had this same argument over and over with my husband. If he treats you this way now, he will continue to do this. I know! You will either blow up and do or say something horrible or you will just always keep quiet in public and be timid. I was never the timid one, but now play the quiet role in public. I was told that I talked too much and needed to keep my mouth shut. I did. I regret it.
You have to evaluate yourself and decide if you are worth more than this NO MATTER how well he can provide for you. You can always take care of yourself. Be strong.
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