A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am going to be honest, life is something I've never been a fan of. I'm nearly 20 now and so far my life has been pretty dire. I was never the popular person at school, the truth was it took me a bit more effort than most people to get passing grades, I was a hard worker. I would sit in my desk quitely and work hard, so of course I got targeted for that by everyone else. People saw me as no fun so I didn't have many friends. No one would give me a chance so ultimately I missed out on those parties and fun everyone else had. While I worked hard, and the annoying thing these people who went out every night and did no work always did better than me. I have managed to get 3 relationships in my life, they however turned to 1. at 14 cheats on me with my "best" friend a day after going out. 2. At 16 who then dumped me 2 months later and played mind games with me until she got bored then got people to attack me. 3. At 18 who in a week cheated on me. Every other girl I have asked out ends up with a rejection (and I have asked out a lot)or they lead me on then reject me completely. Some girls I wonder why so, because usually I talk to them for a while we get close, we talk a lot, we have fun together, basically we act like a couple except for the contact (kissing), which ultimately seeing as these girls like me in most features, the only one I can see not being there is physical attraction, so I feel people dislike me for a shallow reason. My family is very sick, its a family filled with diseases ms, alzheimers, cancer, disabilities etc. It seems that when I'm an adult I will ultimately be alone. I try to be a nice person, I do help people and I donate to charities and donate blood, I have tried being myself and someone else to people, and I can't complain because ultimately someone has it worse which makes me feel worse for complaining in the first place. But one thing through out my life I hear are those cliche lines "it will get better", "someone will love you" etc. I'll be honest I've tried to believe in them, but now I just cant. Because life seems to be a cycle, and the truth is these people saying the cliche's don't know that for sure. It is possible for someone to die alone, people have so why am I different? I want to know why I should believe these cliche's? Because I just dont see a reason why anymore, because I don't think I will ever be happy.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008): Hey guy,
Don't freak out. Everyone goes through these periods where they feel like the world is conspiring against them. Life has taken me in directions that I would never have even dreamed of at 20. I have had plenty of bad things happen to me and the loved ones in my life. If you can view your negative experiences as a way to learn, then they are positive experiences. I know that sounds hokey but it is the truth, and it is what life is about.
It may take you awhile to figure out what you really want to do with your life (which sounds overwhelming at first) but if you look back on your past, it may seem like certain events have been guiding you in a general direction. I am not religious, though I do not rule anything out. My best suggestion to you is to change your location if you feel like you are not growing anymore in your current location (this can be place of residence or the work place), sever relationships with people that are causing you this negative stress (change your phone number if an ex is harassing you), and prioritize your goals in life and work to achieve them (physically make a list and write out the steps needed to accomplish these goals). In order to be successful you have to take educated risks and network with the right individuals as well. You will be fine as long as you have self confidence and the humbleness to accept others help when needed.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): Mate try not let it get you down.Your a young man, just finding his way thats all chap. Its just life really, i'm a 28 bloke now but sometimes shit still happens.Its like all the things people are saying to you 'you'll find someone', or 'things will change', they are all true dude!!Yea, i know your feeling crap about life, but mate... the world will turn. Your just warming up at 20. Heres the thing my friend... its all experience and as you get older you realise experience is GOOD. It builds you. You grow as a person with age. I'm not trying to sound like i know it all because i dont. BUT i know a lot more than i did at 20!Thats why i KNOW you'll be ok.Im going through a bad patch at the moment mate, so please dont think your alone dude. Just split up from my long term girlfriend, still in love with her, not sure whether i need a career change, cash flow etc etc...Just a bad patch, but it'll pass. As will yours mateyYou sound a decent geezer, your warming up and when you've warmed up you'll be HOT mate.you can thank me later lol
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A
male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (9 September 2008):
I used to think i was gonna be alone. Girls would say i was cute and a "nice guy", But they only wanted to be friends. Here's a cliche` for ya: "nice guys finish last". I used to believe in that garbage! I was shy and didn't have lots of confidence, but when my hormones started taking over, all they sexual fustration and horniness made me bold and i discovered a side of me that i didn't know existed.i had given up thinking that i was never gonna get a girlfriend, so i just started talking to girls as though they where just regular people. No flirting, no slick lines. Just regular conversations (well maybe a compliment on how they dress or their hair). Before i knew it, i was getting phone numbers without asking for it. I met a nice girl at my job, she gave me her number, we hung out and got close, now we've been a couple for over a year now. Just take it easy and learn to love yourself and find out more about who you are.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (9 September 2008):
Will you listen to yourself? "my life is crap because someone cheated on me at 14." She was 14!! A child! Which kind of gives her an excuse for acting immaturely and cheating.
The reason girls probably keep turning you down is because you get yourself into the "friend zone." You hang out with them and they start seeing you as a safe asexual friend. So as soon as you say you want more, they are no longer attracted to you because you are their safe friend.
Ask them out sooner, flirt with them.
As for your school, so what if you had a crap time? Millions of people had a crap time at school. It makes you into less of a shallow, socialite idiot.
All the best people I know had crap times at school.
Plus are you sure you aren't dyslexic? That could account for your grades. If you aren't accademic then find a career that involves something else. Plumbers get paid a fortune while here I am with a degree getting not a lot.
Your family may have bad DNA, but they may also smoke drink and live on junk food or work with asbestos. It doesn't mean you are going to die at 30.
The cliches you discribe are crappy but they are the things you have to say if you are too nice and polite to say this:
If you don't like your life then change it. Your perfect job / girl / friends / house will not come through your bedroom ceiling and into your lap. YOU have to go out there and find them.
You proved at school that you can work hard so get off your arse, stop moaning and do something. Go traveling, find out what makes you happy in life and do it!!!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2008): Disclaimer**I do not know your religious affiliation, I do not know your special situation and I am not trying to tell you how to live your life**
That being said... A few years ago, I was in your same situation. I was 19, i had recently gotten out of an arranged marriage, my family was angery at me, I left my home town and ultimately had no friends, no family in this part of the country, and no one to turn to. I could not make friends, let alone boy friends eaisly, but I know that nothing that happens now matters... My life is only something to gain experience and have a little fun before heaven. the whole "you will find someone... wait for your true love" bla bla bla... i never believed it either, but now i know that it doesn't matter... as much as i wouldlove having someone by my side, i know that my life can be so much more than that...
like i said... i don't know your religious affiliation, but it is something to think about...
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A
female
reader, claireleatherdale +, writes (9 September 2008):
 well i know for a fact that some one will want u one day because i was worse than u are now i still have the scars from where i used 2 cut myself and now i'm happily married and have been 4 3 years i still take anti depressants but i'm happy i'm not the happiest person in the world by far but i'm happy and that is some thing i never thought would happen 6 years ago but i kept my mind open 2 the posabilty that i might find some one and i did we've been together 5 years in total and all i can say is keep an open mind because it'll never happen if don't believe it will
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