A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,Don't know I you can help me on this one. Please try.I am 25 years old. Been married for two years. The problem I have is my husband doesn't talk to me much. Unfortunately, I love attention. I have met someone who likes me and is a good listener(though he is married). The problem I have is I want to make my marriage work, but I can't resist this other guy who likes me. Whenever I feel stressed my first thought is to turn to the guy who isn't my spouse for comfort. Please help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (16 September 2009):
 I will say this before I answer the rest of your question. Don't get involved with a married man. Extramarital affairs rarely ever work out without four people getting hurt somehow. There are risks and benefits of this kind of activity, but consider them carefully before you do that. A lot of people don't understand the reasons why; the other man's wife could go berzerk over it; and your husband could go berzerk over it.
All that said and done. This is a classic situation here.
I am constantly telling people the same thing and that is that one of the reasons most marriages and other relationships fall apart is that one partner ignores or neglects the other's needs.
Your situation is classic. The wife gets tired of being ignored or neglected, throws her hands up in total frustration and then walks out to start an affair.
The only way you can make this work is that you have to sit down with your husband, look him in the eyes, hold his hand, hold his face in your hands. Whatever it takes, and get his attention.
Tell him you need him to spend more time talking to you, cuddling with you and being your husband. If you have to take him to the church and get a priest to tell him, do it. If you need to hire a counselor to tell him, then do it.
If he continues to ignore you then tell him you want a divorce, or ask him if he doesn't mind you seeing other men.
If that doesn't wake him up, then I'm afraid he's hopeless or brain-dead.
The sad part is that what you want is intimacy with him. That means more than just sex. It means he's communicating with you, he's paying attention to you, and he's connecting emotionally with you. If he doesn't do that he's really missing the boat here.
And from everything you've said, you're asking him to treat you as a wife, not his housemaid.
So that's one of the first steps right there.
Maybe if you can get him to do more things with you, as a couple, he'll make efforts to be more communicative, more affectionate, and more emotionally involved in your life.
If not, then divorcing him and getting involved with someone else will probably do the trick.
Good luck!
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