A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, so I have been dating this guy since January and we really hit it off well, never fight, never argue, and always have a good time. We always say things like we'll spend the rest of our lives together as well, so I am extremely invested in him. We both recently started going to college and we decided to be roommates. A lot of our friends told us this wasn't a good idea but we ignored them because we thought we would be fine. But after a couple of weeks of dorm life with him I have started to notice differences in our relationship. We would always find things to talk about but suddenly since seeing each other all the time we don't ever have anything to say to each other. I always try to make up small talk and be happy, but he always responds with just a nod or doesn't say anything at all, which really bothers me. Also, there was the usual finding things out about the person from living with them that I had to learn the hard way, doesn't ever take out the trash, doesn't clean MY dishes that HE uses, etc. And it seems like EVERY DAY it's something else, something brings us to the point where we have to stop each other and say "no stop thinking like that because I want to be with you forever" or "i want to work this out because i love you more than anything" and I'm just tired of it getting to this point. I've thought about breaking it up a couple of times already, but it would make the first semester really horrible for both of us if I did, until we could get different roommates, which I'm not too thrilled about either. I don't want to break up with him, but there are just these little nuances that make me believe it just won't work out. We don't laugh at each other at all like we use to, and sometimes things just end up being weird, like today we were gonna go eat somewhere together (alone) and then he invited someone else to go, one of his best friends he ALWAYS has a great time with/laughs with. When his friend said he didn't want to and wasn't hungry he just kept nagging him and nagging him about it, like going with me alone would have been horrible/boring at that point, which, I must say it is a lot more fun when his friend comes, because I get along with him pretty well too. I eventually just said "eh I don't really wanna go anymore" and he agreed to that, which just affirmed my thoughts. I don't know, I feel like I used to be so sure about this relationship, and now it's just really hard to see myself going forever with him. He told me he was really happy with me recently, even if it doesn't seem like it due to stress and stuff, but I just don't know what to believe anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2013): The simple fact is that you were wrong about him and the relationship initially because you didn't have all the information so your mind created false information to fill in the blanks. Now that you live together you see everything else about him and he sees everything else about you too and the truth is that you don't really go that well together after all.
A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (24 September 2013):
I believe you have not been in this relationship long enough to understand the complexities of moving in together. I have been dating my girlfriend going on four years and we never moved in together until we had been dating for two years and made monogamous commitments to each other. We stayed together a lot but very rarely did i stay at her place. My mom and dad had a huge home which stayed empty six months of the year so she stayed over at my place. We played house and got to see a side of each other you didnt see when you just stayed the night or the weekend didnt see what was going on behind the scenes. Kate was a great woman but she loved the bath room and i just shaved,showered and got the hell out of there. She liked foods cooked a certain way and she just plain didnt like certain other foods. Now looking at your situation, sure your going to see another side of your man. He is human , does shave, does a lot of different things you may do and sure thats the side you dont see normally. You have to try and adjust together. Lots of communication and comprise is required. I learned so did my girlfriend. And so will you if you decide to stay in it. Good-luck...
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A
male
reader, jc2008  +, writes (23 September 2013):
Hey,
How long have you two been living together? The thing is, do you two give each other space? do you enjoy hobbies together? You two have entered into a serious commitment and you've also realised relationships aren't going to be 100% perfect all the time. Do you two argue and fight a lot or are you just distant? I think you should watch Dan Savage's video on youtube about the price of admission and then think is this really as bad as you think or are you just stressed? Give yourself some time apart maybe, go away for a weekend and see how you feel when you get back. If it doesn't work out in the end, well that's just life and experience but don't chuck something away because its getting tough. Hope it works out for you though.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (23 September 2013):
 I think you're both in denial. You're both trying so hard to make it work, and living in a fairy tale rather than reality.
The truth is that living with someone is hard. You see all their quarks and annoyances and you find out once and for all if you truly are right for each other. I think you've both realized you're not right for each other, but are afraid to admit it. Don't be afraid. the longer you stay in a relationship that's wrong for you, the longer until you meet the one who is right for you. life is too short to be unhappy.
Good luck.
PS: I had a relationship like this in college. My gf and I lived together in the dorms and realized we were not compatible. We broke up and remained roommates. She eventually became my best friend. you and him may wind up the same way.
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