A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a very tricky dilemma. I don't think I love my fiance anymore. Me and my fiance have been together for over 2 years now and have a daughter together and I'm pregnant again. Although we are constantly arguing, we don't get along anymore, I find myself fantasising about other men, one in particular who I was friends with before I met my fiance and we did have a bit of a sexual relationship. I blew him off to be with my current partner because at the time I hadn't developed any feelings for him emotionally and had started to fall for my current partner. I think I made a mistake, I think about this other man almost everyday but feel trapped. I don't think the other man would want me anymore, we don't speak often as it makes my fiance angry, I don't know what to do. I don't want to be in a relationship I'm unhappy in, but I'm scared to be a single mum with 2 kids at 20. What can I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2014): How pregnant are you? If you are still in very early stages of pregnancy then is your situation making you reconsider having another child?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 May 2014):
 1. It's only a long-shot that "ex- No 1" WILL "wnat you" any more. After all.... you dumped his a*s and went and spawned with some other guy. You are being quite realistic with this thought....
2. WHAT did you have in-mind spawning with this OTHER GUY when you had no idea that he gave a damn about YOU?... or that you and he had an indefinite future together, raising a family??????
Your B/F (AND your kids "Daddy") "gets angry"???? .... and you don't think you're in love with him any more?????
The sorry message is that you CAN'T turn back the clock and reverse the situation that you've placed yourself in. The GOOD NEWS is that you can pray to God that He will help you figure out how to mitigate the anguish of this predicament....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (28 May 2014):
 I understand your dilemma, but the good thing is there is no deadline here so there is no rush to make a decision one way or the other.
My advice is to get your ducks in a row. Gather up whatever important/official documents, family photos etc that you want to safeguard. If you have a scanner, or access to one, great. Then you can save digital copies on disk.
Draft up a list of questions and concerns you can ask an attorney. Some offer a free half hour consultation. Be advised that anyone you bring for moral support can be called to testify as to what they saw and heard during your 'confidential' meetings with your attorney.
Tie up loose ends, dental work and vaccinations for example (for you and your child).
Don't be in a hurry to replace your fiance with another man. Everything you do and everyone you're involved with will be under a microscope during a custody battle so keep life as simple as possible. The other thing is you don't want old baggage weighing down a new relationship. Trust me, you're not missing out on anything with the other guy. Enjoy the fantasy all you want, but keep it there.
OP, doing these things does not commit you to a specific path. The suggestions I gave you are useful whether you stay together or part ways. It would give you something to do in the meantime and doing SOMETHING empowers you. Feeling empowered and knowing you have choices will undoubtedly improve your overall attitude which might even improve things with your fiance.
Again, no rush to make a decision so don't pressure yourself. There will always be plenty of great men out there if things don't work out with your fiance, so breathe, focus and pace yourself.
Whatever happens, everything will be ok.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 May 2014):
I don't blame you for being scared, but there's only three options here. Stay with your fiancé for the rest of your life; leave him now and be a single mom, or wait until you feel it'd be easier at some point in the future and risk missing out on the right guy while you're unhappy for the next several years.
I don't know what your financial situation is, but to me it seems obvious that leaving him, although difficult, will allow you to be happy.
Having two kids will be a turn off to many guys, but there are plenty who won't have a problem with it. So don't let that put you off. Just find a guy you're compatible with and don't worry about anyone else other than your children.
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