A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, Please can you advise on this, as I am very confused. I went out with a guy for a while and fell totally in love with him. However, he took advantage of that, and we fell out over lots of things and the relationship became very stressful and he broke it off, and we did not see each other at all for three months and he was messing me around during that time and angry with me at all the arguments. We even tried the FWB thing just after we split, but I was too attached, and stopped it. Anyway, I missed him terribly, and we finally saw each other around two days ago, and he looked like a man in love again. He was attentive and looked remorseful afer the way he had treated me.We did not have sex. I am not going to have sex with him either until or If I feel 'safe' with him again emotionally. He done lots of jobs around the house for me, then before he left he said about us seeing each other again and held me very tightly for a long time at the front door. However, he did not say he wants the relastionship back when I saw him. Am I expecting too much too soon as we have just hooked up again after all this time? I don;t trust him with my feelings, as I got very badly hurt, and I don;t want to get hurt again. I still really love him, and I think he knows that, but am scared to get emotionaly involved again. Also, I did not want to charge back in and start asking him where I stand , if we back together etc, as I was the one who frightened him off by being clingy and needy before, but am now alot more independant, and have got a lot stronger, but now after having seen him, I feel a bit weak, but wil not show him that I have these strong feelings for him. I need to keep being strong, as I do not want to be taken advantage of again. He seems to have come forward more in the last few weeks since I have backed off, and he felt me seriously detaching, ( eg : I ignored a couple of his texts over the last month, and he sounded grateful when I finally called him back), but I am worried that he may just be being nice to get me back into the same position ie: seeing him now and then and all on his own terms. I have no idea of how to read this situation now, although he did seem very genuine yeserday. I have no idea what this guy's intentions are, or what his motiavtion is, if any. I cannot stand to get my heart broken again by this guy. Please advise. Thanks x M X
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey, thanks Petina. I know I;m on to a loser withu this guy. it;s just a matter of time before it goes wrong again. I have to end it for good, and will do so soon.. as thew more he messes up, the more it gives me the courage to do it. I texted him last night.. he did not even respond!! so there you go.. he will text back.. in his own time, but it proves he is not serious and has not changed. !! xx
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (23 January 2011):
 Good Luck, when you weaken, draw strength on all the negative things you've been through with him, always remind yourself, it will be like that again. That should get you through.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi all, thanks for you answers, and yes he is bad for me. I am going to keep him at a distance until he shows his true self again which he surely will, then find the courage to write him a letter , and close it for good. I still have very strong feelings for him, and am still very sexaully attracted to him, but know that if i sleep with him again, I will be hooked, so I am going to avoid that at all costs. I know in my heart that he wil revert back to his old ways.. so am going to avoid him for now, and watch what he does, then end it, or end it before if I can find the strength. Thanks _ M x
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy  +, writes (22 January 2011):
If it hurts when you do that, then don't do that. You've been burned once, and you know deep down in your heart that it will happen again. This guy has already told you once before who he really is. You should believe him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): Well why let him back into your life then?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): You should free yourself of this man. He is not making you feel what you should be,and as you put it,seems to enjoy the satisfaction of it. You say you was clingy,but if someone you love plays with your feelings,you will either become clingy or decide to get that person out of your life. If you get back the old relationship comes back soon after the luvvy start its time for the real personality to show. If a personality doesnt fit then it will go back to being what it always will be. I dont like telling people to leave someone and I am not doing that. All it looks is like the person is bad for you and once again your looking very unsettled and for someone who says they have become more strong and less dependant ,then weak after seeing him then nothing has changed. I question whether he is just in between relationships and you are only for the time being.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (22 January 2011):
You've already given him his starting point by letting him come in to your home and doing jobs for you. Did he do these jobs before? It could be a ploy to win you over again. I wonder if he's been seeing someone else and it's fallen flat so he's now wanting 'old faithful' back. Be wary. If you still arent sure then don't be inviting him round to your house and giving him false hope. Once he is back again you can't be sure he won't revert to old ways. Keep him at arms length for a while until his true colours come out. There was a reason why you split up, always remember that.
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