A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi, Please can someone help me, I'm a mess! When I was 19 I met a girl and we got on so well like best friends everything, was good. 2 years on we had a kid got married, after being together 4 years we started to argue a lot, mainly me being rude or just snapping for no reason whatsoever, we decided to have a break, she moved out and we ended it. 2 months later she had met someone else and said she was really happy, 6 months on she has just finished with him and told me she loves me still and wants to be with me. I'm scared that it will all end in tears again and I struggled with it the first time around, I love her so much and I wanna spend the rest of my life with her but something is holding me back, am I scared? worried? She said she wants to be with me and she hopes it works out but I just don't know any more, what do I do?
View related questions:
a break, best friend, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Loz_7 +, writes (5 December 2008):
 I understand totally how you feel, its hard when you fall for somebody so much but its not working. Have you ever thought that maybe you spend a little too much time together? It may not be that your unhappy as a couple, it may just be that you need to have some time when you can be by yourself. And make sure you don't stop seeing and talking to each other altogether. Set a day aside where you get a baby siter go out for dinner and enjoy yourself and another day for when you can have a family day out. Then you won't get sick of each others company and you will be able to make the marriage you both want to work, work :D this is the only advice i can give and its up to you whether you take her back, but i always say that its better to regret things that you have done rather than regret things you haven't! Good luck!
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Sweetie, can you remember why you married your wife? mmmmm.... those were good times hey? Somehow we seem to forget these things and get snappy or irritable with our partners. I dont honestly think that the two of you separating was a good idea, it would have been better for both of you to work at your marriage whilst living together. Your wife started dating this guy because she was lonely and perhaps now she sees that you are the guy for her. I strongly suggest that you both attend couples counselling to sort out your issues. I would also suggest that if you are feeling reluctant, to keep the living arrangements separate for the time being and start 'dating' her again. Honeygirl
...............................
A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (5 December 2008):
 It's still early days from the last relationship she had. She is on the rebound, you could be an easy target for her feelings at the moment. Why don't you take it really really slowly. Have a day out with her and your child and enjoy some time together. Don't rush into anything and see how the land lies. You can use this time to find out if she is the right one for you to spend the rest of y our life with. Just get to know what each other really wants out of life. Some couples don't get this chance. After I'd divorced my husband of many years and we started to 'talk again' We found we got all our problems out into the open and thrashed a lot of things out,because we werent living in each others pockets and didnt feel threatened. As it turned out, we ended up living together after 9 years of being friends, and we have never looked back. Maybe this could work for you, but you have a child together so you do still have a common interest. Children like to see their parents getting on and having fun. It could be the starting point for you. good luck. I hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 December 2008):
 Well it seems that you both still love each other and care about each other but you are most likely scared that you will get hurt again. You are right in having your doubts about getting back together as you have to think about your child, its not fair on your little boy/girl to move them back and forwards and to see mum and dad upset and arguing.Seen as she has been with someone else in-between you should be cautious that you are now the back up plan for her to go back to when her new relationships go wrong. Thats an awful situation to be in and you deserve to be more than that.But if she is serious about trying to work things out then I would suggest you both live apart for a while, dont date any new people and try and figure out your feelings. Seeing a relationship councillor would be very good for you both, it gives you both a chance to get how you feel out in the open and then for a third objective party to help you move forwards. I think it would be a great thing for you to do as you could end up in a cycle of meeting new people, breaking up and then going back to each other because you still care about each other/love each other.If you need any info on councillors and therapists then feel free to message me. Dont be too proud to go, its a dauting prospect but no-one will think any less of you, it is a sign of a strong person who can admit that their relationship isnt working and seek help to work it out.Good luck!
...............................
|
