A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Earlier in the year I went to turkey with some friends,whilst I was there I had a brief romance with a Turkish man. I must stress that he is not the 'stereotypical Turkish man'. It was me who came on to him! He was so lovely to me and kind,I never thought in a million years we would keep in contact when I arrived back in the uk, but we did. It has never been a whirlwind romance between us, I would say on average, we text once a week or maybe phone once a week. I have never once gave him a hint if how much I really do like him,iv always played it cool because he is so chilled and isnt the sort of person who would open up freely about his emotions. I have always held back with him because I am scared of getting hurt. In august I went back to turkey in the same hotel (where he works) and I spent every night at his house, not always for the obvious!let me stress! he seemed so pleased to see me,but I did hold back,I never once cuddled up to him in bed or held his hand- even though I wanted too! I just feel so scared of getting hurt because I like him so much. One night I told him he could go off and do what he wanted!that he didn't have to spend his time with me!of course I didn't mean this!he wasn't very happy when I said this and he said it was like I didn't care! I said I did,but then nothin else was said.I'm so confused because I don't know what he wants!I would be willin to try and make it work,even though we are in different countries!I would even move there for a while and see how it goes-at least to say I had tried. Since coming back to the uk I thought the contact would be increased but it is pretty much the same. I act as though this is fine and never over do the texting,just as and when really. However I feel if he wanted to get to know me more he would want us to email and open up more, I understand he is very busy and works long hours but if someone likes you don't they make the time?I'm so confused!I can't stop thinking about him and I would do anything! He says he misses me and that is sweet, I don't see why he would bother keeping in contact with me,when I am sure he could have as many girls as he wanted given the occupation he is n. So why bother with me?because I go back?because he likes me?I have not mentioned going back again,but obviously I would! I just don't know whether o I've him time to open up, or to just open up myself and take a risk....I'm scared il never know how he feels ...someone please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the reply,I suppose deep down I already knew that,but I still can't help but think maybe I should just ask him.I have never once seemed 'into him' even before I went back I was quite blasé about it,even though he seemed excited.while I was over there this time I always said to him 'don't sit and talk to me it looks unprofessional!' and so me and my friend would go off and out the hotel!I know I went back to the hotel to see him and this was the biggest gesture I could ever have done!but maybe he just thinks I'm not that bothered?! This is what im confused about!would he open up more if he thought I was more interested? When he texts me it's very rare I text straight back and I always say 'don't worry about texting,it's too expensive!' so am I giving mixed signals!? I gave him numerous chances when I was over there to go off and be with his friends at night when he was invited to things,but he always refused and wanted me to stay over, and not for what you may think!! All we did was go to sleep on a couple occasions so,at the time,I felt like he just wanted me there and i did think it was quite sweet, instead of wanting me for just sex. I just am so confused! Why when I came back to the uk the first time did he keep in contact with me?is it something to do?or did he just want me to go back and for him to look like some big stud?! I am still confused but maybe my gut is right,like you say he would make more effort!but then maybe I should have too? I just don't know,I feel like I'm in a limbo! It's driving me mad not knowing x
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 If someone likes you, they will make the time to get to know you. He made time for you when you were staying at his house every night, didn't he? So why won't he make time for you when it comes to the non-sexual department? Think of yourself for a second. You went the extra mile and traveled to see him for the second time. You'd think after such a gesture, he would up his game and communicate more, or at least try to find out who you are as a person. Instead you get one or two texts per week?
While you may be infatuated or falling in love with this man, I don't think he feels the same about you. He may have liked the sex and would never reject it, but if is not putting any effort to communicate more - is there really anything else to say?
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