A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I met this guy online and we both live in different countries. he said he was blown away by my profile and I liked his alot too so we started writing and skypeing several times a week and he is planning to visit me in 2.5 months (even bought a ticket..he cant come before the because of work commitments). Thing is we have both been divorced and in and out of relationships and learned from them and are looking for a serious relationship hopefully leading to marriage. So far we are talking great except I am runniing out of things to say and dont want to bore him and myself before he comes. we already share details about our jobs family etc. but I want to leave somethings for him to discover when he gets here. what can I do to keep him interested? I am afraid to ask for 'space' time away to focus on our lives and pass the time. I am afraid he might become involved with someone else or figure that he should cancel his ticket if we stay away from each other so much...but we are talking too much in my opinion as well-cuz I run out of things to say. Please Help! any suggestion would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 January 2013):
 Having nothing to say on the phone and being afraid of intimacy are two separate issues. When you feel forced to make conversations, you will begin to find problems that are not there in the relationship, and sooner or later it might feel easier to argue than to have this awkward silence. You might give into arguments to prove to him that you care. Then the relationship becomes unhealthy.
I still suggest you when the conversation runs dry, you gently tell him good night, talk to you later. This is not really asking for space. If he presses on then tell him you are uncomfortable. Part of being in an LDR is accepting time apart and allowing the other person to be themselves.
I don't if you are in counselling because of the divorce, or because you are afraid of this relationship. You shouldn't have to stress out on the phone to keep a man. Think more for yourself. Instead of thinking how to keep him interested in you, think whether he is interesting enough for your attention.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ladies for helping me out. I now know he is serious about me and I have a fear of intimacy because I have been hurt so much before by 2 men and my family and this man is everything that I have ever wanted it seems in his plans and words for us. I now want to ask you how can I get over my fear and have loving open conversations with him because I want to so badly but am having difficulty letting myself just relax with him and believe him and be vulnerable? Even though he is open and loving and everything I wish I could be for him and he feels so close to me and says the same thing about me. Our tastes styles and personality apart from this is very in sync.btw I have had counselling for this for a year. And when I think of the kind of love we have and will be having I dont let myself get excited and keep myself from really getting into it (therefore don't sound as enthusiastic or carefree) though he says he has ever given me a reason to feel afraid and only wants us to be together i every possible way.I really need to solve this.Thank you so much for reading this and for sharing your advice and wisdom.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you ladies for helping me out. I now know he is serious about me and I have a fear of intimacy because I have been hurt so much before by 2 men and my family and this man is everything that I have ever wanted it seems in his plans and words for us. I now want to ask you how can I get over my fear and have loving open conversations with him because I want to so badly bur am having difficulty letting myself just relax with him and believe him and be vulnerable? even though he is open and loving and everything I wish I could be for him and he feels so close to me and says the same thing about me. Our tastes styles and personality apart from this is very in sync.
btw I have had counselling for this for a year. And when I think of the kind of love we have and will be having I dont let myself get excited andkeep myself from really getting into it (therefore don't sound as enthusiastic or carefree) though he says he has ever given me a reason to feel afraid and only wants us to be together i every possible way.
I really need to solve this.
Thank you so much for reading this and for sharing your advice and wisdom.
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A
female
reader, Leannee +, writes (4 January 2013):
 Sounds like y'all's relationship is going good so far. It's normal for y'all to get speechless. But, it would be good to tell him how you really feel. Honesty is the best thing and you should already be getting in the habit of telling him how you really feel for in the future. And if he really does have strong feelings for you then he'll understand. You never know, he might be thinking y'all are talking too much, also. But I strongly advice you to tell him. Time apart always helps. Y'all shouldn't be talking 24/7 anyways. That's just too much. If you don't feel like telling him how you really feel then when y'all talk just tell him that you're busy at the moment and text him later. Or if you don't wanna do that, if you wanna keep talking and not be boring then start talkin using your imagination. Don't just talk about what each other is doing. Of course that's going to get boring. For example at the moment me and my boyfriend are talking about how I'm going to be busy tomorrow and that I should escape from the people I will be with by distracting them by blowing up a house and then sneaking away. Of course we're just kidding but it brings up laughs and whatnot and its definitely not boring. I'm probably not any help, but I tried. :P I wish y'all the best of luck! :D
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (4 January 2013):
Text more and talk less. The time and effort you spend talking you could have prepared an hour long public speech each day. Do you know how tiresome that is? When you text you can do it whenever you want. You just tell him the main events in your life and one interesting fact a day. Make good use of emoticons so he feels special.
He has work committments and that's why he couldn't come earlier. Are you the one moving there if the relationship is promising?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2013): if he really is interested you have nothing to worry about.be careful though-i'm speaking from experience. i am getting out of a marriage that started the way your situation has started although he was already here in the u.s. make sure he really wants you and no one else and that hes not looking to just be here in the u.s. i'm not trying to get you down-just realistic advice from someone who was young and naive and found out the hard way much too late and damage had been done.
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