A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and I'm quite inexperienced with dating etc.I met this guy through a friend today, we hadn't actually seen each other before, but we did for the 1st time last Tuesday. But we had been talking everyday for 4 weeks before that and had spoken on the phone multiple times for hours.He had seen me in a picture with my friend on her blackberry messenger and asked her to ask me if he could have my PIN, so I agreed to it because he was good looking and my friend said he's a nice person to get to know...So last Tuesday I went to his house, I wasn't completely comfortable as I'm a plus-size girl and I am quite conscious of my body sometimes, but we watched a movie at first then chatted etc, and as we were in his room we ended up cuddling. He was a very confident guy, and he was hugging me from the back, stroking my thigh and just gently stroking my arms/back etc, but he didn't make any moves on me which I didn't get, I mean, his face was right next to mine and I know he could tell that I wasn't as confident as him because he was the one taking control.Another thing is, I got to his house for 1pm and I had to leave by 3:30pm. He had previously told me that his dad comes home at 6 but then later mentioned that he actually comes back at 4, so when I asked why he lied he said that he knew if he told me I had to leave by 3:30 I wouldn't have come to his house in the first place after knowing that - I'm not sure if this is true or if he was just trying to get rid of me?What's playing on my mind is the fact that he didn't make any moves (kiss, and there was no way he was shy) and he told me I had to leave by 3:30...He knew I was broke cause I've told him about my financial situation and as he dropped me back to the train station at 3:30, he gave me money for the days travel. I hate taking money off people but he was very persistent.I messaged him, thanking him for the day and he seemed abit weird when he was replying, then when I asked him what he's up to, he said "I'm going to go to sleep now" because he does night shifts at work.. I started a conversation the next day and he was very unusual when I was talking to him, I asked him later "What's wrong? You dont seem like your usual self recently?" because judging by his statuses and pictures, I could tell he was feeling down... and he told me he was thinking about things. I asked him what it was and he said "Just things i keep to myself, dont worry about it :)" - so I didnt want to push it cause I know guys find it harder to open up about things. I told him if he ever wanted to talk to someone, he could come to me and he said "I greatly appreciate that miss! Honestly, thank you :)"We have been talking everyday, dont get me wrong, it's alright... But the conversation isn't the same as it was. We used to have a lot of banter before and we were always joking around with each other, and I still try that but he doesn't respond with it and banter can't really go one way. I don't think hes still thinking about things because he seems to be back to normal in every other aspect.I did drop a comment a while later though saying "Aww the old you has disappeared" and he said "He hasn't, he's right here, dont you worry" but he wasn't like this before I met him for the first time. And he did have a status up saying "This is a brand new me!" so im starting to think he's going through something and hes changing for himself... But i cant tell cause im really not that good at picking up on things.He also decided to get rid of his BlackBerry very suddenly and now I have to speak to him through WhatsApp because he has an iPhone as well, however, he's not that great at replying back on WhatsApp. There's been a couple of times where he has just stopped replying back, but when we do talk, he does carry on conversation, it's not always me asking questions, he does to. But the banter and jokes have disappeared and the phonecalls have disappeared too.Also, Im already in university and I live on campus, and he's coming to my university this September and will be living on the same campus as me and studying the same course. Before me and him met up, he used to talk about doing things when he came to the same university as me, like going out to eat and having gatherings with our friends, but he hasn't really mentioned that anymore... He's only said it once after we met up, by saying "When i get to your university, i'm going to make it fun". I know things do change once you meet someone for the first time, im trying to think whether the banter and jokes were me and him getting to know each other, and once we met it stopped, or whether he's just not interested in me anymore, because when I did see him, I could tell he liked me cause he said he liked the way i was wearing my hair and he liked my jeans, and he was cuddling me as well so i'm really confused. He hasn't asked to see me again either, but I do have exams in about 3 weeks and a couple of days after I had met up with him, I had said to him "No more social life for me until exams are over :(" but he didn't even mention meeting up after exams. I'm not too sure if I should make the first move this time? Because I can't tell how I'm coming across. My friends have told me before that I come across too friendly sometimes and that gives off the wrong impression where the guy thinks I just want to be friends.Please help.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (20 April 2012):
 I agree with janniepeg.
You dont actually know this guy. You have met him a total of one time, only spending a few hours in his company.
Words, compliments etc mean nothing. He could say that to every girl he meets. He might just be a charmer.
I do worry about your choice to go up to his room as well. Cuddling the first time you meet someone? Maybe he expected you to give him sex, and when there was no other action apart from cuddling he decided you were not as easy as he thought you were - thus his interest is now dropping.
"stroking my thigh and just gently stroking my arms/back "
These ARE moves, he was testing the water to see how you would react. Girls who are ok with a one night stand would have acted on this. You didnt.
My guess is he is withdrawing contact as he does not want to continue getting to know you. Move on. He isnt worth it.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 April 2012):
 Even though you live faraway, I think 2 and half hours is plenty of time with each other for the first time, although I think a date in a cafe setting would be much better, whether your intention is to be friends or lovers. He gave you money to get home because he is being protective, and not that he wants to get rid of you. He is just as unsure as you are about where this is going. You can have fun with him as a friend and go from there. There is nothing wrong with giving a friendly vibe. If you feel the sparks with a guy you will certainly be more flirty without knowing. Just because your friends tell you he's a good guy to meet does not mean you have to fall in love with him. Some guys are not interested in female friends, having the belief that women and men can't be friends. He is cuddling with you to test the waters, not necessarily that he likes you. Light compliments can also be taken as a courtesy, and there is no need to read into it too much. I am not saying there has to be fireworks and butterflies for every potential mate, but if you always have to guess what the other is thinking, and contact seems to be effortful, then maybe it's a good idea to find another target. A good successful date is someone who knows what he wants and is consistent with keeping in touch. A guy can have lots of experience and still doesn't know what he wants.
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