I'm really in love with him, but he doesn't seem to want alone time for us

A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been with this guy for somewhat close to 3years now. I'll tell you how I screwed up the first 6months of the relationship. I cheated on him thrice. Or actually, left him for my ex,thrice. I don't know why I did it but I did. I used to think I could never love anyone as much as my ex,despite being cheated on and hit and etc. The cheating ended and I decided to remain with this current guy. Within that 6months of screwing up, I also used to do take weed with a group of friends, and once, acid. Other than that, we just hanged out at chalets or parties,drinking, we played strip poker, to our undies only, once. It was with a relatively close group of friends.I made out with a close girlfriend, just for the hack of it and I also went to an underage nightclub thingy once. Basically, the group was labelled as 'badass' and other really shit words but the truth is that, we weren't that bad. My boyfriend still thinks til today that I had sex with dozens of guys but he really is the 2nd person and hopefully last. When I was 17, I was pregnant, it was his. I found it hard to react or to do anything else, I didn't contact him for a week and acted like a total stranger. I was mad on the inside,literally but on the outside, I tried playing it cool and nobody knew about it. I decided to tell him atlast, I hadn't enough cash for an abortion. When I told him, he told me to not let anyone know,at all and to keep it to ourselves. I was fuming mad. Everyone knew my mistakes because he had told everyone bout them and I was supposed to keep quiet? I didn't make noise at him or anything about it though, I said 'alright'. The abortion was a total screw up because he hadn't any money and he totally didn't tell his parents anything so i ran to my dad for help,and cash. It was a crazy time. I could feel myself slowly destructing. After the abortion, I decided to continue on weed and drinks. Everything was a blur to me. He decided to break up with me. That was when it hit me. For a reason, I didn't want him to give up on me. I told him I'd change fully, and I did. I stopped weed, drinks and even seeing any of my friends. Things got better for awhile. I felt happier as well. A year passed, once in awhile we'd have arguements bout my past and stuff, guess thats normal and I don't blame him for bringing it up. Last year, when I was 18, I found myself pregnant,again. Thankfully, this time, I had my own hardearned money and didn't have to resort to contacting my dad. Once again, he didn't come up with a single cent and I was left to go to the clinic alone. I wanted him to be there, so badly. He was only a few blocks away but he refused to come and hang out with his car friends instead. I kept it to myself. The second time i got pregnant really killed me inside. I can't explain how it felt but I was going crazy,again. I didn't know how to react, I'd suddenly break down,start vomitting, turn cold. The year went by, there was still arguements about my past ofcourse and he'd threathen to break up with me if I did anything he didn't approve of and stuff. He is controlling, no doubt, but honestly, I kind of enjoy it to a certain extent,97% of the time. At the time of the abortion, he had just met this group of car friends. They are pretty nice people, I don't hate them or anything but since last year February, I've been seeing them nearly everyday! I'm sorry this is so unplanned and unskillfull typing, there's been too many events and my head is a little blank now cause i just had an arguement with him. That was all our history up there, here's the main problem now. I have been living for my boyfriend for the past 8months and i'm moving out to my new place next week. Recently, I've been craving alot of attention from him and he isn't willing to give it to meIts aggitating me very badly that all i ever do is go for my classes,work, visit my family members, see him go out with his friends everyday, pay for most of his things, watch him gamble online or live everyday and only have our own time together when we're having sex. I've been bugging him for our own time. I told him I'd be real glad to just have 1proper day talking and chilling out with him alone somewhere,like every month but he told me that he just isn't interested and doesn't want to. I tried asking him why and he said its because of my past. Is it really because of my past or is it just an excuse? I know I screwed up beyond major previously and I honestly don't fully blame him but I really need some advice on what to do. How do I rekindle/save/keep this relationship? I actually really am deeply in love with this guy.

View related questions: abortion, money, my ex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2010):

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A female reader, YouWish  +, writes (24 May 2010):

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