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I'm really confused. Do I stay with my BF or go to this other guy? And how will it affects the kids?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Cheating, Crushes, Family, Health, Sex, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 December 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 27 December 2011)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Need advice please. I have been with the father of my kids for six years now.

We have had our up and downs. We have even split up a few times and got back together within days. About 1 1/2 years ago I started my job unknowing at the time that this guy worked there also that I had a huge crush on before I met my now bf, while working we started talking and got close.

I truly feel that I love him but he has a gf also and they are always arguing and fighting. About 7 months me and my bf split up for about 2 months because he was being selfish and not listening to me, while he were split up I had sex with the guy at work.

That only made my feelings for him stronger and he told me the same, he tried leaving his gf but said he couldn't because he has grown attached to her kids.

It happened twice before my bf and I started talking again we talked for two weeks and I decided that we would get back together.

He doesn't know about the guy from work.

Our (bf) relationship isn't the same. I still feel extremely attracted to the other guy doesn't help the sex was way better. But I know there will never be a future for me and this other guy but I can't shake the feeling.

At work last week we had out Christmas party and it was before my shift but we all still had a few drinks, I had to work the late shift and the other guy came in after the party,like at 3 in the morning we first were talking about what was going at work and well one thing lead to another..

We had sex, I feel bad about it now but while it was happening it was perfect.. I'm really confused on what I should do, should I just quit my job and hope and pray I can find another one or what. Should I tell my bf about it? Leave him period and be done with the both of them, what about the kids? Very confused anyone mind giving me any advice?

View related questions: at work, christmas, crush, get back together, got back together, period, split up

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 December 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntyou did NOT cheat on your boyfriend if you had sex while you were broken up and you do NOT owe him any information on that.

on the other hand the sex last week since you are back with the boyfriend was cheating.

IF you were truly happy with the bf you would not have cheated... that's my strong belief that we don't seek what we get at home... clearly you are not happy with the bf.

also it's going to be easier to find a new boyfriend rather than a new job in this economy....

kids survive parental breakups all the time and have for eons... they will survive this too.

I think that you are thinking short term... think long term.

the man at work needs to get out of his relationship before you two consider anything serious... as do you.

maybe leaving both of them focusing on work kids and putting a new life together is what you need to do....

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2011):

Firstly, you should tell your boyfriend about it. Everybody deserves to know they have been cheated on. His reaction may help you decide what is best for your life.

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