A
female
age
41-50,
*ushy
writes:Hi, like everyone else on here I have a strange situation. My partner and I have been together for two years. We have known each other for about seven years in total I guess. We don't live together but have businesses together, so are pretty committed or at least so I thought. All our emails are open for each other to see, we give each other the passwords when we change them, so whoever is at the office can check for business emails etc. I was shocked to see a "forgotten password" email for a chat/dating/casual sex site, so decided to see what it was about. It turns out that my partner has been chatting online and potentially meeting/sleeping with random women for the last 18 months. I asked him about it and he denied it saying that someone must be pretending to be him, probably his ex girlfriend (who admittedly is a bit of an oddball and is heavily medicated most of the time!) who really doesn't like him. Is that a believeable story? I believe I am the most open carefree girlfriend ever, he never has to ask my permission for anything, I trust him so much but this recent thing has shaken me a bit. If this is something that he needs to do, i.e. chat in a smutty way online, you know, I can deal with that, but how do I find out if he is actually meeting these women. Some of the emails on the site have phone numbers but I have never been that girl who has to check up on what her partner is up to and I am really uncomfortable with starting now. Or is it believable that his ex girlfriend is stiring up trouble. Why would she over 18 months! I always thought that I deserved a partner who would be dedicated just to me, but is this something that all guys do? Any help or advice is appreciated!ThanksLushy
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (21 November 2007):
 Hi again,
I would dump him now if I was you. But I'm sure you don't want to be left high and dry , so do what ya gotta do.
As I said before, not all us guys are cheats, you don't have to change you've just been unlucky. My wife isn't possessive, she goes out with friends as do I, we trust each other, don't lose that hope yourself.
Good luck Kiwi.
A
female
reader, Lushy +, writes (21 November 2007):
Lushy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your replies! I am pretty sure I know what to do, I just can't believe it, you think you know someone.. especially after so many years! And I know about his previous relationships, he has been cheated on twice before and was seriously hurt by both those girls. He has always said that because of that he would never ever cheat or lie or anything. And this is what he gets up to. Thinking about my behaviour though, he has always said that I trust people too much! My ex before my partner now cheated on me too, so maybe it's something I am doing. Do guys need to have posessive girlfriends in order to be faithful?? I suppose in my next relationship I could always kick that up a notch lol!
We are going to Noumea in January, we have had this holiday booked for ages! I wonder if I just keep myself busy with my friends and family and businesses etc wait till my hoiiday is over (it's a cruise so I can easily amuse myself without him) then when we get back give him a decent kick where it hurts very publicly and get on with the rest of my life?
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (21 November 2007):
Hi there,
Oh dear, I'm sorry to say but that is one of the most pathetic excuses I've heard. I guess he didnt expect to be put on the spot so he didnt have an excuse ready.
Look, 18 months is a hell of a long time for an ex girlfriend to wage a secret campaign against him, and moreover, so secret that you didnt know about it. Think about the logic behind his statement, his girlfriend is trying to frame him yet in secret so nobody found will find out ( you only did by chance ). If she wanted to frame him, she would have made it a bit more obvious don't you think?
Sorry mate, but you've got a cheater on your hands, its up to you if you want to put up with that. Hopefully you don't, not all us guys are lieing cheating scumbags. A lot of us consider cheating inexcusable, hopefully you will meet someone more trustful in the future. Dump him.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (20 November 2007):
 I have to be honest with you... when I read what he said I was surprised by how bad his excuse was... I think if his girlfriend was trying to screw up his relationship after 18 months she would be a little more active than masquerading as him online. Also, if you thought your ex was doing this to you wouldn't you want to confront them? Has he confronted her? Would he confront her? Or is he scared that confronting her will show that actually she isn;t to blame? These are questions I can't help you with but I would say that in situations like this your instincts are never far wrong.
CD
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