A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well I'm 16 years old and I've never been asked out or in a relationship or anything. I know some say that's still super young, but I don't care. I think I'm really pretty and I'm actually really smart- in our class ranking based on GPA, I'm only 5 people away from #1 (out of my 700-person grade). In elementary school, a lot of boy classmates had crushes on me, and they let me know/told me- so it's not like I was conceited and only thought they liked me. In middle school, a shy boy I barely knew even wrote a poem for me for Valentine's Day. I really don't think I've changed since then. Most girls in my grade are total sluts, and they have such dirty minds. I barely know anything about sex and stuff like that, and people think of me as a 'goody-two-shoes.' haha. But these girls get asked out all the time, and they aren't surprised that I'm still a 'lip-virgin.' I'm really outgoing and have tons of friends. I'm also superconfident. Sometimes, I get the feeling that certain boys like me in that way, and I try to flirt with them and etc, but these boys who like me are usually the shy ones, so am I just too intimidating? I know it may sound like I just want a boyfriend to have a boyfriend because it seems like everyone else does, but in reality I just want someone I can talk to and hug and just hold, someone who will let me wear his sweatshirt, someone who will be happy to see me and who will be my first kiss. And there is a boy who I like in particular, but I can barely talk to him without blushing. And I realize that I don't even have a real question now, just my rant of thoughts, but I really would appreciate your comment or opinions. I guess these are my general questions: Am I over-confident, shallow, too intimidating? Also, I sometimes get the impression from multiple boys that they like me, so am I just good at reading people and actually likable or am I just really conceited? What are your general impressions of me, both from my background and from my feelings? Please?
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female
reader, crazy curls  +, writes (9 September 2010):
I am a bit older than you but had exactly same problem in school!!! I can fully identify with u. I was amongst the top few of my class and most guys seemed to like me. Few most definitely had crushes on me, but no one ever asked me out. I was really depressed at the time, thinking myself unattractive. I met my boyfriend in college and through him I have developed a new perspective.
Many guys feel intimidated by girls who are smarter/at par with their intellect. I am not saying they are shallow, but in school they are still too young to look beyond good looks....and a sharp mind may be unattractive at that age.
Have confidence in yourself. After a few years,in college only, you will meet guys who will like your mind before your looks. Then your combination of beauty + brains will be unbeatable :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone- you have NO idea how much i really appreciate all of your responses. today, my faith in high school humanity was restored. even though i had a bunch of tests and this snobby girl that i don't get along with was being a total... snob, something was different today. 1st period allowed me to catch up with some really good friends. 2nd period, with some amazing people, i laughed- a lot! i loved it. 3rd period i found out i may have a secret admirer(?). and by 6th period, my crush talked to me and seemed genuinely happy to. something in the air today was just... right. i may still have a ways to go, but i think i'm on the right track in life, and now i'm sure of it. your responses were so authentic and close to my (hopeful) thoughts that i literally almost cried. thank you so much!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): I'm a bit older than you, but reading this question really touched me. You sound a lot like the girl I care about (except that she has a little more experience), and I sound like the shy guys you observed. I think they're probably intimidated by the fact that you're beautiful and intelligent and a good girl. They probably think that the fact that you don't have a boyfriend means you have really high standards, and they're too shy to try anything because they're sure they'll get rejected.
It's a hard problem to deal with, I would imagine. I guess just make it really clear to the guy that you're attracted to him. Try and find a way to be alone with him so that he's not intimidated by all of your friends. Talk and be open, and suggest that you might want to go on a date when you two start to feel comfortable with each other. He might ask you out, but don't be afraid to lead him to ask you if he's still shy. I think if you can convince him that you are really into him then he'll come around and you could be in a great relationship.
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Girls with beauty and brains are very intimidating to boys.They would feel more at ease with Miss plain Jane or Miss average Jane.
Boys would only idolize or become your secret admirers. To ask a date from you would be too daunting and they fear they are not in your league.
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A
female
reader, RainStorm  +, writes (1 April 2010):
Yes, I WILL say it that you're still young! Be happy, I had my first boyfriend at 18 and when he broke up with me four months later I was crushed. I understand that whole I want to be loved and be held by somebody. If you like this boy, TALK to him! I know it's hard when you are shy and blushing but think about it in the future, would he be the one you look back and say, "What if...". Just find an excuse to talk to him. Do you have same classes with him? Sit next to him then and ask him something, like you need to borrow a pen or something (hide yours!) Maybe even suggest to study together. These guys may like you but are too shy to ask you out on a date or even talk to you. It's not as bad as it seem to be the first to talk to them. Just smile, laugh and it will be fine. The worst thing that can happen is they will say they are not interested, no biggy!
A lot of young boys will most likely ask out the 'sluts' and the 'easy' girls just because that's what they think they want. Once they get older they realized relationships isn't all about sex and porn (though many still seem to think that).
Hang in there!
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