A
female
age
36-40,
*uschick88
writes:My fiancee and the love of my life has broken up with me 2 months ago. Im 6 months pregnant with his child. We have been together 18 months,recently bought a house together, a dog, a lot of shares, and i have just left all my family and friends to go to the opposite side of the country for him. He has turned into the most horrible, uncaring person. Hes gone on holidays for 3 weeks with all his immature, single idiot friends. Before we got together he had a reputation for being a bad boy/party animal, always getting lots of girls. But when we got together, he changed into a completely new man. He was close to perfect. He was the one that just wanted to stay home with me and cuddle watching movies, wanting to marry me, wanted to have a family with me. treated me soo damn good. But 2 months ago we started fighting a fair bit, not over anything serious, but just arguing. He broke up with me and has moved out. He said that he needs these 3 weeks to have some space and we can give our realtionship our all in the new year when he gets back. But while he was away, photos started emerging on facebook of him naked with a sock on his manhood giving the thumbs up, him passed out wasted, him sitting all over other girls. I tried calling and txting begging him to just talk to me. And then he started telling me that he doesnt love me anymore, he hates me,im a whore, im a crazy b#tch, he will be there for our son but just not me, that im a stalker etc etc. he was so so so horrible. But then at some times he would say, im hurting and confused. And i would be like why?? and he just wouldnt tell me. He finally told me the other night that on christmas eve he "fooled" around with another girl, but he couldnt go through with anything because he couldnt get me out of his head. He said it was all her, and she was all over him. He said he felt so guilty about it even though we arent together and he feels like crap and is so confused. I say lets just see how things go when he comes home off holidays, but he just says "no, its over we are done" and that i have to let go there will never be another us and he cant go back to that. i dont understand what he is confused about or what the hell???? I love him so much. what should i do?? Should i keep on waiting around? Will he come to his senses?? I want him in my life more then anything, hes the love of my life, and I know he can be a great partner. But how long do i wait for this immaturity, confused stage to pass. And will he come back to me anyways if i keep waiting for him???
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female
reader, auschick88 +, writes (11 January 2010):
auschick88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your advice. Its hard, but its getting easier and things are becomming clearer. His holiday is over now, and hes being nice to me now. He said he will be my friend but thats it. Hes moving back into the house though soon to help me out with the baby etc, but he said theres still no possibility of us ever getting back together. He said he happy being alone. So fair enough. I guess time will tell what happens, but Im just going to stop getting so upset by it all. :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2010): read through your post again.
(sounds dumb I know,but you already know the answer) You got hooked up with a "bad boy" thinking he would change. Unfortunately he's not mature enough to change even with the Adult responsibilities he's managed to get himself into. Would have been great if he had stepped up to be a man about it but that didn't happen. MEN do NOT take off on a 3 week "holiday" when faced with girlfriend, baby, house, etc.
You can not "make him grow up", he failed. He's continuing to fail you, the baby, and his responsibilities.
Figure out about the house and legal aspects, If you are working, have friends, etc,, and want to stay where you are, that's ok. Main thing is if you do not have some "support group" around you, build one pretty fast. Another 1-2 months and the simplest things like getting milk at the grocery store is going to be a huge pita.. Not saying you need a flock of midwives but little kids ARE a challenge to tackle alone without any help.
In a more normal situation this would be willingly and cheerfully handled by "DAD",, but it ain't happening in this situation.
You don't have alot of time to stand around while "junnior" doinks around trying to decide whether to be a man or not.
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A
female
reader, laura585  +, writes (9 January 2010):
You are right - he is confused. Still young and now all of a sudden - a house, a dog, and a baby on the way! It's a lot of responsibility and I assume he is scared and doesn't really know how to handle it all. I would wait until he gets back, see if he really just needed a break and if you guys can sit and talk, and work things out. If he's still saying "no" then let it be. I wouldn't wait around forever. You asked if he will come back if you keep waiting for him - no one knows that for sure but him.
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