A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, Me and my fiance have been together for at least 5 years. Okay, it is now 2011. I messed around only once and that was due to him stressing me out drastically, and he went out with another female in return. Okay, my question is: why is my fiance constantly saying mean, harsh things to me? Half of the time, he says he was joking. But he always says these things so serious. Example: the other night, my neighbors son (13 yrs old) was outside at about 10:00 pm. Normally he isn't out at this time of night. He was playing with his basketball. I curiously looked out the door to see who it was. At first, I didnt know it was my neigbor until i looked out. Then my fiance replies, "Stop being so nosey. I wish there was someone out there shooting, so they'd shoot right through the door and shoot you in the face." And I replied, Im not being nosey! I was just curious. I mean, am i wrong to be offended by remarks such as these? We're expecting our 1st baby! Im currently 5 months.
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I couldn't put the pieces together as to why he would say something like this. Every so often, he says sarcastic,offensive things. But he has never said anything as hurtful,but violent as this. He always gets smart/sarcastic with me. He says its because I messed around, only 1 time. But he got his payback, too. He went out with another girl. But thats no reason to talk to the so-called "love of your life?!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): He is not joking, there is no humor in this. He is intentionally spewing venom at you out of hatred. You ask why he says mean things to you? it's because he hates you and has contempt for you. This guy does NOT love you, don't kid yourself.
this is emotional abuse. Threatening to harm you is abusive and has the danger that it could lead to physical violence one of these days. the fact that his spitefulness toward you is triggered by something so trivial (you looking out the window) shows that he really really harbors a lot of hatred toward you.
Please don't just brush off his words. When someone says they wishes that something violent would happen to you, it's the equivalent of trying to put a curse on you.
And couching it as a "joke" is another tactic of abusers, which is to deny that the abuse occurred or to minimize it. This messes with your mind big time, it confuses you and makes you doubt yourself. You feel this pervasive sense of unease and discomfort (due to the abuse and how that makes you feel) yet you can't pinpoint why (because of his erasing of the events from the record and telling you that your reality is wrong).
You need to get out of this relationship. A man who openly wishes violent things upon you, is dangerous. He doesn't love you, in fact it's the opposite he hates you. He only keeps you around thus far to serve his needs (that's how you ended up pregnant by him). Leave before his "jokes" turn serious.
...............................
A
female
reader, sammy1986  +, writes (7 July 2011):
i would break up with him and get as far away from him as possible
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): That's violent language! At 10 p.m., I'd be looking out the door, too, if I heard someone banging around outside! The things your fiance says (assuming the other things he says are like this) are very extreme. Sometimes this indicates joking, but other times it indicates that he has a dark side -- one with violent tendencies or a hidden agenda.
Does he often say things like this to you in other facets of life? Has he always said things like this since you've been with him?
If it really bothers you, you should say something to him. Tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable that his jokes are violent toward you and you don't understand why he talks that way. Maybe it is his sense of humor, and maybe that's just how he is as a person.
...............................
|
