A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Sooo, I'll try to explain all this as well as I can. I'm sorry if It all seems a bit confusing. It's quite a long story.I have a boyfriend of nearly 3 months. I have known him for almost 4 years and am 5 months pregnant with his baby. The first 2 and half years of our friendship, we were friends with benefits and nonetheless he treated me like crap most days. He also was a heavy alcoholic at the time(which he does not drink anymore). He ended up at one point dating this girl (let's call her Cami). They had an on and off relationship for a little while. From what I heard from his friends and saw a few times for myself, she was terrible to him. She would dump him for another guy and leave his life completely up until she broke up with her new man. Then she would come back to him and use him until she left once again. They, I guess, have worked some things out and now are good friends. They don't talk much but when they do, my boyfriend will be on his phone to talk to her instead of paying the slightest attention to me. I do not like her. I am not comfortable with her. But everytime we talk about her and my feelings about her, he defends her. He gets mad at me for not liking her. He constantly tells me how "we'd be good friends if I gave it a shot" He tells me all the time she means a lot to him and she will always be a part of his life. Most recently I even cancelled having a gender reveal party for our baby because he insisted for Cami to be there, but I told him I was not comfortable with her being there. So I cancelled the party because I couldn't stand the idea of her being there and I was tired of fighting over it. Well, a short couple days ago he shared photo memories on facebook. Which included pictures of when him and Cami were in a relationship. Seeing how that made me mad And hurt me. I brought it up to him and he got super mad and told me I had nothing to worry about it. Told me that I was over reacting. I kept trying to make him realize that when you're in a relationship, you don't share old pictures of you and your ex. Especially when they're "intimate" pictures. But he saw nothing wrong with sharing the pictures. Eventually he took the post down and told me that the conversation was over. Must I mention it was a really bad fight because he saw absolutely nothing wrong with what he did? Later that day when he got home from work he didn't talk to me, nor the next day very much. Things are still kind of tense. I just feel like he still has feelings for Cami. Somedays I even feel like he's only with me because I'm pregnant with his baby. I would talk to him about how I feel about the whole Cami situation again but like I said before everytime I bring her up he gets mad at me and tells me the same old of "they didn't work out" "they're better off friends" "they don't belong together" and so on and so forth. Another reason the whole him sharing those pictures bothered me so much is because he doesn't even really take many pictures with me, much less post any on facebook. I know he reassures me that he loves me and he'll talk to me about our future and tell me how happy is with me and etc. I love him so much but I don't know what to do when I'm constantly worrying if he's still in love with his ex girlfriend due to things he does. I'm sorry for such a long story. But any advice or outlook would help me tremendously. There's more I could explain but I don't want to take up more time than I already have. Thank you to anyone who helps me out.Oh and just to clarify a year before we officially got together we were exclusively seeing each other and not seeing anyone else. I spent almost every weekend with him. We just never made it an "official" relationship until shortly after we found out I was pregnant.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (22 February 2018):
I don't think anyone could explain it better than uncle Wiseowle...His answer is spot on. All I can add without repeating what he's said is that don't depend emotionally on this guy for any kind of support. Yes it takes two people to make a baby but unfortunately mother nature is very unfair and the child-bearing is entirely on the woman. You need to stay happy right now because every single thing is going to affect your baby. Can you move out, maybe live with your parents till the baby is born and then figure things out? Whose house are you living in? Who owns it? Also, are both of you working?
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 February 2018):
 "I was having sex with this arsehole and now I'm 5 months pregnant. I shouldn't be with him and I definitely shouldn't have risked a pregnancy at my age or with this jerk."The only reason it's official is because you're pregnant, not because he's committed to you. You were exclusively seeing him, but you can't trust him to have stayed faithful.You're not going to like it, but you need to break up with him (jerks are not good influences on babies!). Then get your life on track. YOU ARE A YOUNG MUM. Stop thinking of him and his ex, think about what's best for your child.If you're not working, get a job. Find support for single mothers. Do not stay living with him, if you are. Seriously - in the nicest possible way, grow up. Focus on what's important. He is not important. Cami is not important. Your feelings for him are not important. How you survive and raise your baby is most important.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2018): You were not an official couple until shortly after you found-out you were pregnant. You could have started your post with that sentence and it would have explained everything.
He has made it perfectly clear that Cami remains in his life regardless of how you feel about it. You were friends with benefits, and the baby is probably the reason you're now official. So it looks as though he and Cami come as a package.
You were always aware of their on-again/off-gain relationship; but you threw the dice and gambled on him being your husband/boyfriend, because you're pregnant. The only thing that changed in this story is that you got pregnant. He and Cami were always an item; whether on, or off. I guess you could say they were friends with benefits as well. Only their friendship remains in-tact.
It doesn't matter how much you add to the story in explanation of what kind of relationship you have. It is defined as a love-triangle. You made a guy your boyfriend who is still hung-up on his ex. You got pregnant and added a new complication; but the triangle will become a square once the baby is born.
I guess you have two options. Remain his girlfriend and try to get along with Cami; or breakup and make sure he pays child-support.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2018): So from what I can gather from your story he is fuck boy that you shouldn't even have put yourself in the situation to be having his baby before working out of all of the stuff in your relationship. And since he is shutting you down and making you feel a certain about his relationship with his ex instead of giving you any type of respect you should just leave him. Put him on child support and leave him you can do bad all by yourself there is no point in putting up with someone you aren't even married to and will not respect an ounce of your opinion or feelings.Trust you are better off without him and if he tries to fight for your attention after you say you want to leave him, then that just proves my point that he wasn't being serious in the first place. Just drop the dead weight.
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