A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend 4 and a half years and we have a 2 almost 3 year old. We have been trying for a few months to get pregnant and I'm 8 weeks pregnant. Our son wasn't planned but it worked out ok, and he's a lovely little boy.When I was pregnant with my son he went from going everywhere with me (before I got pregnant) to me stopping in why he went out drinking every weekend or going doing something with his friends. So I felt like I was on my own. After our son was born it didn't change for a few months then we moved out of my parents house and he changed completely. He didn't go out as much anymore, we did more things as a family. I really thought that was the end of him being selfish and leaving us, so we decided to try for another because I wanted a sibling for our son.We've moved countries for a few months and will be going back home in 6 more months. So I really am completely on my own apart from my son who I look after everyday on my own while he works. Well here I am 8 weeks pregnant, we found out 3 weeks ago and since finding out he's turned back to his selfish ways again going out and leaving me in on my own with our son after I've already spent all day on my own feeling sick and really just wanting a little help. He rang me at 8 saying he was going for a drink and wouldn't be long and now it's 11 and I'm still on my own. Maybe it's my own fault for thinking he would be any different this time, but he completely changed last time and I thought it must of been for good. Do you leave someone over this because there is no talking to him. He never listens or even acknowledges if something upsets you. Makes me feel worse I left home and my job to follow him here for this. At home it was usually his dad pestering him to go to the pub then when he was there he would leave him with his friends and go home knowing he was causing trouble. His family doesn't like me and have always caused trouble.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (3 May 2013):
 I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can only imagine the anguish you are going through.
First off, does your boyfriend have a drinking problem? Or perhaps a periodic one: where he goes through hard drinking phases. From my perspective he could have a problem and this is his way of dealing with life's stresses. When the child is born, perhaps he has a revelation that he needs to be a father figure and steps up to the plate again. If this sounds like him, he may have a problem with alcohol, especially if it runs in his immediate family. You may have to investigate a 12-step program or other mediator to get him to realize that alcohol is a problem.
Guys who like to go out to drink often times don't like coming home. Is your home a nice place to be for him? If the minute he walks in the door he is struck with misery, nagging, or needy children, complaining people, he may be avoiding you. Granted, this is selfish but would explain his motivations. Guys avoid coming home when they don't want to be there or they still have some partying to do before "settling down."
I suspect there is a lot more going on in your relationship than what you are telling us here. You are just seeing the symptoms; to uncover the cause, you are going to have ask yourself if you were him, would you want to come home too? Is your sex life good? Are there money problems? Did he really want to start a family? Is he in constant conflict with his family over you? Is he having fun in life? Are you having fun as a couple? What pressures is he facing?
The true answer may be scary. As it could simply be that he isn't the type to make sacrifices for the sake of his family and this is the way he is.
It may be time for you to have a heart to heart about where you are at and see if there is something you can do to make coming home a more pleasurable experience for him. He may need just as much attention as you do in regards to making this baby.
Eddie
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