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female
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anonymous
writes: I feel so terrible about my children's dissfunctionMy children are grown ups no, but they are all of them totally unhappy.seroius drug problems, not finding love, not finding anything good about life.And they are suffering very much from that. My heart is broken.Also , financial dependence,and asking for too much help.Seems ,parenting giving never ending, and it is eating up my marriage.If I SAY NO,I feel guilty, I feel,I'm risking my realtionship with them. Also it seems ''most grown ups''' gets support, and than you compare yourself and feel bad again. Because , I hear it all the time, helping grown up childrens are the worst thing you can do to them, as they never learn responsibilty. So how can I stop helping them, when they are broke from their own choices? Because I feel terrible,when I don't help.What should be the right thing? thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009): Whatever went wrong, there's very little you can do to help now.
You say you feel terrible when you don't help. A brutal question for you -- what good has ever come from the "help" you've given so far?
Oh, provide a sympathetic ear by all means. But nothing more. Do not give them money, do not let them undermine your marriage. Once they've become adults, they have to find their own level. And you have to look after yourself.
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