A
female
age
30-35,
*aura-x
writes:My boyfriend took cocaine infront of me and i can't get over it.Me and my boyfriend have been together over 8 months now and we have spent almost everyday together, we never really argue and were like best friends. One weekend we was at his mates house and i walked in the room and he was taking cocaine, he had asked me if i minded earlier on in the night and previously i had explained to him how strongly i felt against drugs so when i had said in a moodily way "do what you want" i thought already knowing my opinion on drugs he would not do it. Seeing him do it broke my heart and i felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and ripped my heart out. All night i had to hol back tears and act like i didnt care. Later on that night i had explained to him that i didnt agree with drugs and i was too young to give up my life for someone who was like this. He totally understood and we both got upset and sorted out the problem and he promised me that he woudlnt do it again and i was more important, i believe him but i know what his friends are like. Now this weekend were both going out seperately with our friends and i am really struggling with trust issues i feel paranoid and im worrying i wont enjoy a night out with my friends because im scared about what he is doing all night.Any advice?
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female
reader, Laura-x +, writes (11 August 2008):
Laura-x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the adivice, and to clear things up i know he has taken it a while back before we was together its not a regular thing and i know now we have cleared things up and he has chosen me over drugs and i trust this to be true. To the female reader who's annoynomous don't join him, thats the last thing you want to do its such a waste of money and its pathetic. Ul work round it eventually if u both want it to work but its so hard to get over what has happened i understand completely x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): I'm funnily enough in exactly the same situation. After making a promise to me not to touch it, my boyfriend of three years snorted coke twice infront of me. I was with all of his friends, and just like you, had to hold back tears all night. It culminated in me taking him outside, bursting into tears and swearing at him, though the most painfull part of it all was that he was in such a state after drinking aswell that he couldn't really comprehend what was going on.
That's my concern for you - that when you discussed it with him later on that he might not have really registered things.
I'm struggling because minus drugs our relationship has so much potential, and I really don't want to have to break up with someone I love because of something as low and down right stupid as drugs.
The night's now etched into my brain and everytime he's out in the city with friends I just can't relax. I know what's going on when I'm not there.
I understand completely what you're going through.
The worst part about my night was two girls I hadn't met before, who, on realising how upset I was over what my boyfriend had done, said "Well... If you can't beat them, join them".
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (8 August 2008):
Cocaine is a class A drug! for him to do it knowing how you felt about it shows instantly that he thought more about taking the coke than being with you.
Even if you did say oh do what you want and stropped of this should give a signal that your not happy with it.
It is highly addictive and people dont tend to do it once then never again.
Also if he is doing coke he is bound to be doing other drugs as well because this is not something you would just jump into.
You are young and you are right! you are too young to be wasting your life on someone like this.
you need trust for a relationship to work and you cant trust people who use cocaine.
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (8 August 2008):
 From what you've said, I don't think you have anything much to worry about.
Cocaine, as you no doubt know, is a dangerous drug. But it's primarily a "social drug" which means that the people who get addicted are the ones who take it regularly in the same social surroundings - and then develop the habit that makes them go on and on taking it on their own. So assuming he hasn't been taking it previously and he's not regularly in an environment where others are taking it, then it's unlikely he has a problem.
You need to stay calm, firm and controlled. If he mentions it again, then instead of "do what you want" you could try something more along the lines of "cocaine can kill you. I love you and I don't want to lose you." DON'T hold back the tears. DON'T act like you don't care. You do care. Show him you care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): If I were you I'd drop him like he was a hot coal. Cocaine is highly addictive and it's most unlikely that having had at least one 'high' from it he won't be able to resist another.
Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and leave this guy in the dust. The next step on the addiction ladder is that he'll be selling your stuff to pay for it, then when there's nothing left to sell he'll go out on a crime spree. I pretty much guarantee that anyone who's addicted to this stuff will turn to crime sooner or later to fund the addiction. It's only the rich and famous that can afford it, and they inevitably end up in rehab clinics to try to get off it. Just take a look at the state of Amy Winehouse if you need an example.
Whatever you do don't be tempted to try it yourself. One hit is enough to ruin your life forever.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (8 August 2008):
Well you didn't say to him. "Don't do it, I really don't want you to." You got in a mood and said "Do what you want!" So he did.
Yes he is really stupid for taking drugs that hard, that young but you have been clear with him this time... you've said that if he takes drugs you don't want to be with him. Now you just have to trust that he cares about you more than impressing his mates.
If he does it again then you will have to follow through with the consequences though as other wise you'll be telling him he can get away with it.
Good Luck!! xx
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