A
female
age
30-35,
*onfused2011
writes:Hi there. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and in 2009 i noticed that there was porn on his lap top. Which at the time made me upset, but i had to deal with it because i was just recovering from a serious surgery so obviously i would rather him do that then be with another woman. When I found it I asked him if this was just temporary or if he does it reguarly. He said temporary. Now, in august of 2010 we moved in together. And my laptop broke so we were sharing his. I work every day 9-5 and he works early in the morning, so he was home early and had atleast 5-6 hours at home alone. It seemed like every day i came home the history was deleted from the history on the computer. So i went in and i made sure that when he clicked delete that it wouldn't delete the whole history because I wanted to see what he was hiding. And sure enough I found porn. And not just any normal porn. So I confronted him. He said it wasn't his and he made it seem like i knew nothing about computers and said maybe we're getting things from other people's wireless computers. i may not be a computer wiz, but i definately am not dumb enough to believe that other ppl's things pop up in our history. Then i guess he found the button that i did and started deleting everything again, so i brought that up to him and he said that he thinks the computer does it on its own. I couldnt defend it so i just had to let it go. But recently he got a new computer and gave me the one we use to share. Ever since i got it, nothing has been deleted from the history, like a normal computer. And on his new computer everything gets deleted again. Literally i go on it and there's the history of what i just went on his computer for, then i go for a shower and he goes on and when i come back its deleted. Now its making me go crazy and wonder if its even just porn that he's watching or what. And every day that i see its deleted, he says he's too tired for sex. I really don't know what to do, because when i brought it up in the past he gets so angry and turns it on me. I'm completely out of options and i really need help. I love him so much, and everything (else) he does makes me so happy. What can I do!?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): This is clearly an addiction, and with all addictions his brain has changed. Does not matter if the addiction is a substance or what is called behavioral, the same brain changes result. Today's internet porn is nothing at all like our ancestors ever encountered, with the constant novelty and genres of extreme porn. Unlike yesterdays Playboy, Internet porn overstimulates the brain regions responsible for addiction.Here's an excellent presentation, by a science teacher, on the effects of pornography on the brain. They are non-religious, non-judgmental, and science based. You will find lots of recovery tips, Q and A's, and a link to a forum. This is a totally non-commercial site.Your Brain on Porn - Porn Addiction:http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series
A
female
reader, youngandrestless +, writes (19 March 2011):
 you really need to see a counciler, the time you know that porn is becoming an issue is when he stops wanting sex from you. he has an addiction, and yes it is that because he feels the need to hide it and lie to you, and becomes very defensive when you confront him. now you also need to tread carefully in this situation because up and accusing him is not going to help. do not bring it up in an argument and do not bring it up accusingly. try to talk to him about it when you are in a neutral situation, maybe watching tv together, and approach it softly. you cannot keep pushing it under the rug, because it is obviously getting to a point where it is seriously affecting your relationship. he needs to be able to talk to someone other than you to find out why he has this addiction and how he can break it. you cannot force him to quit cold turkey, it is not necessarily the porn that is bad, its his need for so much of it and his lack of desire for you. it needs to be addressed soon, or it will break you apart.
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