A
male
age
30-35,
*exBanner
writes:Hi all, this is slightly long-winded .... sorry ...I have been living with my girlfriend in America for 2 years, and we are best friends and all that, I love her dearly. I do everything for her. But .....When we started our relationship, she admitted that she had cheated on past boyfriends. I accepted this, and she promised that she had changed.In about September last year, I suspected that she may be cheating on me, so I (regretfully) went on her facebook, as we share a laptop and her password was saved in it, and found that she had been seeing another guy for a few weeks and they were planning on having sex.I didn't tell her I'd checked, instead I just made sure I was with her 24/7, which was slightly difficult, and called her whenever I could while I was at work. I questioned her about stuff, and her guilty conscience appeared to kick in and I never heard about this guy again.At this point, I would like to remind everyone that I was still deeply in love with her, as we were constantly together and I enjoyed every moment and she did too.So now to my current problem.About one month ago I moved to Tokyo, Japan to study for 4 months. I talk to her everyday on msn and skype, and she tells me how she never goes anywhere and misses me. Until last weekend, when she went to a party. 'Apparently' it was a s**t party and nothing happened.So, me being the bad boyfriend I am (can you really blame me), thought I'd verify this and checked her facebook again. Yep, there it is, a new guy. About 20 messages or so saying "oh last night was fun, we should catch up. Your really good looking. My beds so big, I'm so lonely" and so on.What can I do about this from the other side of the world? Because we live together, most of my stuff is in her house, so I don't want her to react badly to confrontation.And all this has made our relationship sound so bad, but we have never had an argument. We get on so well. The only thing I can attribute this to is a sex addiction of some sort.Someone give me some advice ......
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male
reader, RexBanner +, writes (23 February 2010):
RexBanner is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI like both of your answers in parts. Thank you so much for replying.
In response to your answer (goodguy11), I think you're right in saying I should distance myself from her while I'm here in Japan, and just focus on living my own life. Then when I get back I can talk to her about it in person, and find out if it really was just flirting.
But I think it's going to take a lot of effort to remove the thought of her being with another man from my head.
In reponse to the second answer (Miamine), in many ways, I want to accept her for who she is because I love her so much. She's said to me many times how she wants to get married some day and have a family. Everday when we talk on our webcams, she's smiling the whole time. I'd never know what she was doing unless I checked her facebook.
But you're right. Because I'm aware of this, I can't really complain too much when, one day down the track, I find out she cheated on me. I'd really only have myself to blame for staying with her.
At the moment, I've messaged her best friend about it (who helped through the last 'crisis') and told her about the situation, because she is friends with the guy too. I've also been messaging my girlfriend every night, who actually got really mad at me for 'not trusting her' last night, and made up some lies about where she had been that day, when I knew all along where she had been because I'd read her facebook messages.
But thankyou for your answers, talking about it does make it feel a little better. I'm still open to more responses =]
A
male
reader, goodguy11  +, writes (22 February 2010):
This is not healthy for you. You should really move on before she breaks your heart into pieces. You just can't trust her yet alone a known cheater. If I were you I would just act normal and try to distance myself from her until you can comeback for your stuff. If you tell her now she might just throw all your stuff in the dumpster. If you going to confront her then do it in person. I know you love her and she may or may not be cheating on you. It might be that she's just flirting but you never know.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 This woman can't be faithful. Unless you keep watching her, checking her telephone, her computer and her email, it sounds like she will cheat. Sexual addiction, maybe, but she has to realise this and want to get help. Accept her for what she is, she's a woman who can't be faithful and accept one day that you will find out that she's cheated on you. Otherwise, please leave her and look for someone else who respects honesty, loyalty and respects and loves you.
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