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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi everyone. I'm a twenty-something guy, and have been dating my 21 year old girlfriend for 2 years. I love her to bits, and I know she loves me just as much, and is completely trustworthy.My problem is that we are probably a little too honest with each other. She has slept with what i consider to be a lot of guys in the lead up to us meeting (3 guys in the month before we met, even more in the year beforehand), most of which were one night stands and she says she didn't even enjoy doing it. Before I go any further I'd like to say that I have a fairly liberal attitude towards women sleeping with guys for kicks - as long as they play safe, and aren't hurting anyone, it's fine by me.By contrast I've not slept with that many people, despite me being older than my gf. She told me once how she wasn't even sure that she'd slept with one particular guy - she'd got drunk at a party and woke up in his bed naked the following morning, but neither he or she could recall doing anything, despite there being some incriminating evidence, shall we say.Even though all this happened before i even met her, and that single women sleeping with guys is okay in my eyes - why do i feel bothered by her somewhat lustful past?
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (17 January 2006):
 I agree with Ed. You are bothered because this is the women you love. Rather than look at it in negative terms try and look at it in these terms: this girl who hardly any other guy has been able to have for more than one night has been dating *you* for two years. She loves you and you have captured her heart. To be able to do this you must be immensley special to her.
A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (17 January 2006):
 Your bothered by her past because we all want the one we fall in love with to be that pedistal girl we create. It doesn't bother you that OTHER women do those things; just THIS woman. THIS woman has come into your life and stolen a chunk of your heart and now your judging her (this is normal) to see if she will make a good mate. Male instinct kicks in and you need to make sure that you assess her potential as a mate. Did you ever wonder why Marlyn Monroe was so attractive with a sorta big-butt. It's been proven that men are attracted to a woman who can bear children more that one who cannot. In the same manner; men actively look for a mate to settle down with and when they find it they need to feel secure in THEIR decision. What better way to feel secure than too scrutinize her past and see if she's worthy of YOUR love. This is done on a sub-continous level; so you really don't understand your behavoir. You do understand that you love her and that should satisfy you. In time you'll realize that YOUR past is just that; THE PAST. Don't dwell, ponder or try to change it. Just accept it as fate. If she or you hadn't have done any of those things then neither of you wouldn't have ended up together.
Good luck
Ed
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