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*herreeBee
writes: Two days ago, exactly, I broke up with my boyfriend after finding out that he had cheated on me. Yesterday I went to his house to get my shoes and sweater. While I was there he was crying, and telling me how much in love with me he was. He said that he had kissed that other girl becasue he got scared in our relationship since it had been getting so serious. Definetely doesn't justify anything, but I SLIGHTLY sympathized ! I also took into consideration the fact he realized how great of person and girlfriend i am by talking to that other girl. So while I was there, I actually sat with him and listened to what he had to say. I told him that I trusted him with all my heart and I wouldn't know how to trust him the same IF we were to get back together. I have no bitter feelings towards him at all ! He kept trying to hug me, and i resisted. But towards the end I hugged him back and kissed him. I don't want him to think I'm weak!!! He says he knows I'm not a weak person, but at times like today, I just miss him soooooo much! I know I have to stand my ground by avoiding his calls, and all that.. But it just sucks... I know our relationship was real and I know there was love. Am I doing the right thing by staying away for awhile? Or am I fighting my feelings too much ? How do i avoid looking like weak person ? Am I weak for even wanting to be with him so soon after him kissing that other girl ?? Sorry there's so many questions, I JUST REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE !!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): Please do not waste your time with this guy, once a cheater always a cheater, so what if he was crying of course he would be, he just lost a great girl but you know some people have to learn the hard way about life and i think you should stand your ground, yea sure he might seem like a different person now but thats only because his lost you and the guilt has taken over and he is desprate to set things back to how it was so he does not have to feel like that anymore, but you know he will probably just go back to his old self anyway and maybe even do it again. and just think about everything you will have to go through to be able to trust him again, i jsut want you to ask yourself is this guy worth all this stress you will have to go through over a something he did? i think his the one that should suffer ,his the one who did the wrong in the first place not you.
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reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (17 January 2006):
 I know when I read your letter the other day I was considering all your options. I know that it must have hurt alot. I know that when I caught my first fiancee' in bed with my friend I was devestated. Through the years I've come to grips with the reality of what happened. I wasn't there for her when she needed me. I mean of course I was there; but I wasn't listening to what she was saying. So many of us hear what our partners say, but never quite listen to the words. A cry for help is quickly dismissed, a need for attention goes by the wayside. Was I ever really there for her. Naugh; not really. However, if you can get through this LITTLE incident, (I say little, because of the 1000's of letters on here) then I think you may have a changed man on your hands. Remember, in everything we do, we play an important role in OUR lives. If you stop and analyze this you may find that you did something; for him to act this way. You however; are in no way to blame for HIS actions. You may also find that your relationship will blossom into something more valuable now that both of you are communicating. I agree, he should be in the dog house for a little while. You should not go through so much agony by breaking up with this trivial thing. If he slept with her; it would definately be over. Call it a momentary laps of reason. Forgive him and move on as your life will be happier. I would definately make it a point to tell him that if you ever see or hear of him talking to her again his ass is grass.
Take care.
Ed
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (17 January 2006):
 Fear can do funny things to people. It is one of the most powerful and most destructive of human emotions. Whether you give him another chance is up to you. You have to decide if you can trust him again and if he means that much to you.
Assuming that you do decide to take him back you do need to be firm with him. Apart from the kissing the real place where he let you and the relationship down was in his failure to communicate how he was feeling to you. He needs to be told firmly, but in a way that doesn't scare him, that rather than let these emotions bubble under he needs to talk about them to you and then you can address the problem as a couple.
Tell him how much he hurt you. Also tell him he will have to win your trust back. Part of that is trusting you with his feelings and communicating with you. Firmness is the key to not looking weak here. I don't think you need to fight your feelings, you need to accomodate them and let them give you the strenght to overcome this problem. Good luck with this :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2006): Give him one more chance. Looking at it from the outside it seems that he hasn't ended the world. Stand your ground even if you get back with him. Meaning that if you give him another chance it should be his last.
Good luck.
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