A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am obsessing over my ex who never treated me with any kind of respect for thoughtfulness, and just used me and strung me along for a year and a half. I was really upset and heartbroken, and kinda pissed off, when things ended for good in the summer. Things had always been on and off, but things had gotten as serious as they had ever been over the summer, and when he started ignoring me again, I knew it was his cowardly way of breaking things off with me without actually having to deal with things like an adult. So, I reached my boiling point, and just blew my fuse on him. I was hurt and angry and I think I finally stopped making excuses for him in my head and let myself realize how awful he really is and how awful he was to me. And I told him exactly what i thought about him. Very mean explicit things, and we had it out ( when he'd actually respond to me.) Anyway, some time went by, I left him alone for the most part. Then I started dated a mutual friend of ours, who I had known forever, and finally fell for when i became unentangled with my ex. The thing is, my new boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now. He is amazing and sweet and i am in love with him. But I live in small town and my awful ex and I have the same friends and go to the same places and do the same things constantly. My romantic feelings for him or want to be with him died pretty much completely when my new guy and I started getting serious. But those intense feelings of infatuation i used to have about my ex having turned into a seething hatred. Though we see eachother all the time, he refuses to talk me, even when I have tried to raise a white flag. My problem is, this hatred has turned into an obsession. I said horrible things about him to most people who know us. I keep posting mean things about him on facebook. To me, this feels like a sort of vengeance for how badly he treated me and how little he seemed to care that he hurt me. But I also just think about him all the time and look at his facebook and pay attention to what he's doing when he's around, just like I did when I loved him, but now instead, it's an obsessive spite. I still dream about him...and sometimes it can be kind of romantic. I think he's a terrible person and I would never want to be with him again, and I do genuinely love and appreciate my new boyfriend, but I just can't shake this obsession with my ex, for good or bad. AND I HATE IT. IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I want it to go away and I want to stop caring or thinking about him at all, but I can't. And getting away from him isn't an option for me, like I said, we see eachother all the time. Help.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 December 2012):
 The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is ambivalence.
Love and hate are both powerful emotions. I don't hate any of my ex partners. In fact, I have NO FEELINGS about them at all... I could care less about them.
You are not over your ex and therefore you cannot move forward.
You need to be as NO CONTACT as possible... LIKE HE IS DEAD.
Block him on facebook/twitter
block his email
block his phone numbers... none of this "DO NOT CALL" on his name crap.
when you run into him say hello and keep going... that's it.
stop making excuses "i tried to raise the white flag" "we can't not see each other" just treat him like every other stranger that you meet... with NOTHING.
until you stop caring one way or the other you are not ready to move on and it's not fair to your current partner.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (3 December 2012):
 Hi, I agree you still have feelings for the ex and you want to hurt him for the pain he has caused you. The fact that you mentioned more that once that you over him and saying are in love with the new guy, you trying not to assure us but yourself.
Also are you dating a mutual friend to get even? You need to try and forgive and forget. Also the less you think and write about him, you will forget this obsession.
You have not healed and its a fine line between love and hate.
You need to appologise to him and try and make peace with the past. I am not be friends but you need to be civil as you are constantly running into one another.
Let him go, and if wants to behave badly just ignore it. If you dont change your attitude and behaviour sooner or later you will lose th enew boyfriend as he does nt want to deal with baggage. Take care and move forward positively.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): That's because you still have feelings for him. The only way you are going to get over him is to try to forgive him. Forgiveness is not for him it's for you. No it doesn't absorb any of the wrongs that he's done to you. What it does is absorb your pain and suffering! Please don't confuse forgiveness with reconciliation. They are two totally different things., You don't have to be his friend. Actually you don't have to have nothing else to do with him! Once you process you're emotions in a healthy manner, and truly forgive him, you would no longer troll his Facebook page, badmouth him to friends etc. Wouldn't it be nice to go for one day without worrying about a man who is not in your life? Trust me it feels amazing!Don't allow anyone to tell you that you are being weak for forgiving your ex. Its most definitely is not for the faint at heart. Its much easier to hold on to anger and obsess plus slander and smear. It takes a strong and mature person to forgive someone who has hurt them deeply. I still struggle to. We are only human. Once you forgive him, forgive yourself for your own actions towards him. Learn from your mistakes and grow from them. You will only get better! Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2012): The thing with emotionally abusive ex is the highs are very high, but the lows are very low too.
You will never experience the highs you got from your ex with your current BF but you will also never experience the lows with him too..
Eg like a guy that makes you breakfast in bed everyday.. Whilst appreciate it.
You'll appreciate a bowl of cereal more from a guy who never makes you breakfast.
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