A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have a chronic illness and doctors aren't sure what it is. I'm in pain meds, even controlled ones, so I try to take as few as possible when the pain is bearable.I frequently get flare-ups that cause crippling pain and I just have to wait it out. It's agony and I can't keep quiet through it, most of the time.My boyfriend said my arousal noises sometimes sound like my pain noises (not the screaming ones, but when I'm trying to hold them back and it turns into a mumbled moan).I know he gets worried he may be hurting me during intimacy, but I'm now embarrassed about my noises. I've told him he doesn't hurt me and that I'd say if it hurt.We're more sensual than sexual, so intimacy talk can be an awkward subject (except during intimacy). His libido is also very low (can't and shouldn't take stimulants), which we're working with.This has just made me even more self-conscious (already have body dysmorphia that I'm waiting for therapy for). I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance?Thank you.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 January 2017):
 Aw sweetie he is just worried about you and does not want to cause you any pain. You have a good guy. You really don't need reassurance he is just scared off hurting you. Please don't be paranoid. I hope the doctors can get to the bottom off your pain soon, but honey if you are moaning with pain then do take the painkillers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for trying, Anon, but I've been going to doctors for over a year, after a couple of hospitalisations because of the pain. It's a long fight because my GP has to keep referring me to different specialists and the specialists are passing me off to others. The meds I'm on are very strong and I'm allowed to take them several times a day (I have a concoction of them), but I try to limit them because they can be addictive.
My boyfriend has been to see doctors with me and he knows that my pleasure moans aren't because I'm in pain, but he worries that intimacy may trigger my pain - which doesn't appear to be the case as there's no noticeable correlation between my pain and anything I do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017): If youre screaming in agony in your daily pain you need to go to the doctor and get reassessed and better pain meds.
Take the boyfriend with you so he can confirm that you moan, mumble and mutter when the buildup of pain is too intense.
Undiagnosed dislocated bones can cause a lot of pain and you could have a full body MRI scan.
Or undiagnosed fractures or any other not properly diagnosed thing.
Your boyfriend sounds very sensitive to your condition and he is trying to be sure he doesnt make it any worse, which is a very sensible thing to think.
Doctors dont actually see you at your worst because you visit them when you are capable of holding onto your dignity in the waiting room and surgery, but you should try to give them a clearer picture of how bad it can be at times.
I know its a battle but you owe it to yourself to tell them because they often make their judgements of you in the first five seconds without really knowing the full picture.
Chronic pain can get you down on a daily basis and you deserve recognition for acute pain as well.
Its tough to get people to listen but its just possible there may be more appropriate medication for you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (7 January 2017):
 Make noises! Orgasms absolutely help with pain!
If he's all worried, have a "safe word" meaning you're in pain and can't take it. If he doesn't hear it from you, that means you're good to go.
It's interesting that you said "My boyfriend said my arousal noises sometimes sound like my pain noises". That's true for many people! Why do you think orgasm is often described as "beautiful agony"?
I also know that the pain meds can hinder your arousal/orgasmic function. One way around that is to use vibrators in your sex play in order to help stimulate and give you release.
One thing that's clear is that you both love each other very much. His libido isn't because of you, so don't worry about that. Be sensual, sexual, everything you both want.
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