A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with this woman for 10 months now, i recently even got engaged with this women, at first she did tell me that she was seeing women when her mental health was not fine, recently i proposed marriage to her and moved in with her, since then i have learnt that she has had atleast 40 sexual partners including many african men, which makes me feel inferior, many lesbian flings, an email i read on her email id which is about 6 months before i met her had a mention that she had the best sexual experience with another female, she had that fling while in relationship with her ex boy freind, recently she asked me to use a viberator which ran multiple other questions, upon triking her, she told me that she had a 3 some with 2 guys, i am not sure if i can get over all of this and marry her now, should i stay with her or end this relationship? because the best prediction of future behavior is past behavior...not sure what to do, when i am with her, i feel loved, the moment my mind starts thinking about all these things, i worry, she is 35 and i am 30, sometimes i fear she wants thsi relationship to have babies, what do i do?
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engaged, her ex, her past, lesbian, moved in Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 hi
you seem to have got engaged to this woman without knowing her well enough, you are now finding out things about her past and it looks like she has got very different sexual preferences than you have. i can't see a marriage working when your attitudes about sex are this different.
my advice is don't marry her. if in doubt, don't do it
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): Everybody has secrets. Don't blame her for the past. Give her a chance to prove herself. Who she had sex wit in her past doesn't matter, she is with you now, but that's if you want be with her. Ask yourself, how will you feel without her? You have to choose if you want to be with her and have a new life, or if you want to be with her and think of her past. My advise is just forget the past, it will only make you an unhappy man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): In all honesty, the one thing I've learned about relationships is that it takes a LONG time to REALLY get to know someone. 10 months is not a long time. Life encounters are important to our pasts so we can determine what we actually want in our future.I've been engaged for 4 years to someone and broke it off because at the end of the day, he wasn't the person I thought he was. It was a lot of talk and hopes, but it wasn't really him. I've also been off and on with someone that I was totally in love with. After 3 years, learned that he really wasn't the person he presented and now looking back, I can't believe I was ever even interested in either of these two long term relationships.I don't think you should break it off just yet. I do think you shouldn't rush into anything that you're not prepared for. Have a long engagement and tell her right now... literally sit down and make a list, of all the things that you want out of your marriage together and what you're looking for in a partner. Have her do the same. If your lists match up, that take another year to see that you both actually keep up with it. If not, then you know.Sex is sex. The guy that I was in love with for 3 years started dating my current boyfriends sister. He and I had sex the month before I met my current boyfriend. It doesn't change the feelings I have for my boyfriend now, though honestly sex was better with my ex. But I love my boyfriend and he treats me right. I'd never cheat or ever go back to the other guy. But that is my past. My boyfriend doesn't care about it because I make him feel secure. If she's really done with her past, you should have a sense of security too.If you're wealthy or something like that and you're picking up that she just wants you for babies... get the hell out of there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): I think you should break it off with her. This is never going away for you.
And her past is still the best prediction of her future. Anyone who disagrees, I would ask them if they have ever hired an employee or loaned anyone money. We all see the truth of this fact whenever we are actually serious about predicting anything.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 I think you better end the relationship. There are too many things about her that I just can't see you ever let go off. Some of them stem (I'm guessing) for you having low self esteem, some stems from you have a whole different set of morals and values. I think you need to find someone who is more compatible to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): Truthfully I don't think you should feel this way because it's apart of life everyone had many sexual expierences wether it was 5 or 40. Maybe back then she just wanted to explore sex. But this shouldn't bother you if out of all those men and women she fell inlove with you. But if it still bother you , you need to tell her how you feel about this. one day just sit down and be like we need to talk and tell her everything and how you feel about it see what she says. To avoid the argument don't mention not marring her until your sure.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 If you didn't know her, and you aren't sure of her reasons to be with you, why did you ever ask her to marry you? Were you sincere at all or were you just feeding her lies when you asked her to share the rest of her life with you?
Past behavior can be an indication of future behavior, but don't drag this too far. Past behavior says she enjoys sex, she's adventurous and open about her sexuality. This promises some great sex in the future as well, unless her sex drive changes, like it on some occasions will just because you grow older.
Her past does NOT mean her future behavior will include 40 new sexual partners, several black men and lesbians. If she's promised to marry you that means she intends to only have sex with YOU. It kind of says itself.
If you're this unsure about her then I suggest you call off the engagement and figure out what you actually want. And next time do not ask unless you know yourself well enough to actually want to marry the person you pop the question too. Leaving now you will surely break her heart, and she was the fool who believed you actually loved her.
Her past is part of who she is and who she has become today. If you love her you will love her as a whole and not just a fancy shiny picture of her that's not the real her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): this woman has had multiple "relationships"
she is sexually "unbiaed meaning she will try anything.
if this is not your game, best not be in this relationship. i think your partner will not be satisfied with you only. can you share her? do you even want to share her?
if you continue with her you know sooner or later she will want to taste a bit of her previous encounters.
LoveGirl
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