A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are together for 7 years now, and the first 4 of those were a fairy tale. Everything was wonderful! Then, I got a little too drunk and kissed another guy and told him about it (from start we decided to be open about stuff and tell each other everything). After that, it was really hard for me to regain his trust but nonetheless I tried, and I think that I succeeded in that. Last year, his mother (who I really cared for) passed away and it was a shock for the family and especially for him since they were really close. I get it that he's hurting and has a really hard period in his life, and I encourage him to talk to me, to go out, to do interesting stuff to keep his mind off of what's happened, and most of the time I fail. He gets angry, saying that it's not easy for him (I never said it was), saying that I'm needy, insecure and have low self esteem. (When I confront him, he often plays the 'not my fault\ game). We see each other every day (this has been the practice since day one), but I feel like we are both 80 and we spend our time sitting and watching crap on TV, instead of working on our relationship. I really love him and want to be with him, but I don't feel like he cares for me anymore. To make things worse, he has this scum of a friend, and for the past half year I think that he's hiding something from me. Advise, people! Thanks!
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female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 you're welcome, you never know, he could pop out of his grief sooner than you expect. its hard to watch someone go through that, but death is hard and its a hard thing to cope with. Espeically about someone as close to as a parent. I'd go crazy if mine died.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question LLindy87, thank you for the answer. I totally agree with you that it's the hardest thing for a person, especially if the Mom is also a close (read: best) friend. I've known her ever since I started dating him and she was the kind of person you just cannot not love. I might be a little pushy, but I just can't and don't want to watch him suffer. He's a great person, who literally spreads joy among friends and family (even when I read this it sound unreal, but that's him). He's definitely a keeper. You're right, it's definitely best to give it time. So, we'll see! Thanks! :)
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (6 September 2010):
If this happened recently, the death of his loved one, I think you should give him more time to cope. People deal with death in many different ways, I'm sure he isn't one to want to go out and pretend everything is normal, when inside he's probably feeling terrible.
If he persists like this for a long time then it could be about you, but in the meantime I think you should let him decide what you two should do and let him cope with losing his mom. That is a HUGE person to lose, and sometimes when people are going through loss and pain, they take it out on those they care for the most. Its ironic, but its how some people deal. So while he's getting through this, be strong. Be there for him, but don't be too pushy if he doesn't want to do something. Perhaps ask him if he wants space or what he wants.
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