A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay you may remember me, the guy with the fiancee' with the visa. She wasn't sure if she wanted to marry and I didn't know what to do since we only have 90 days to marry. Well now that she is here she does want to be my wife and get married but now, ironically, the role has reversed. I'M not sure i can marry her.I found out that in the last few weeks she was in the UK she met this guy and they slept together a few times etc. She thought through our communication I was dumping her so she freaked and did the above. The day before she flew she called me assuming the relationship was over and wanted to check if I wanted her to fly still. Of course I did i never thought our relationship was over.So here I am...she's here now and happy to be with me and wants to marry. But I suddenly feel different and much less sure. I'm going to need to use all 3 months to gather my thoughts and make sure I want to marry her. I also feel a bit like a patsy I suppose.Feeling rather blue in San Francisco.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Taking in consideration everything that happened and how you describe your feelings. Maybe it will be good if you both attend a few sessions of couples counseling.
Lilian Hellman said: "Poeple change and they don't tell each other".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry I should have elaborated. YES LOVE. We've been together for 3 years and I do love her and she's in love with me. The problem is i'm not sure that i'm IN love with her now. I do love her but things feel strange sometimes.
Its definitely NOT about her getting the visa, though the visa has caused stress because if we don't go through with it we'll never see each other again.
Like I said she started freaking having panic attacks, read into some things I said and thought I was breaking up with her and then latched on to the nearest guy. She has told me she wants to start fresh and forget him.
While understand her thoughts, I still find it unreasonable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Maybe you can clear this. Is this a mairriage for convenience or is it suppose to be for love?
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (22 October 2008):
 It sounds like she just wants to get married to have US visa and stay there. I wouldn't do it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Nowhere in your article did you talk about love! Now maybe love is overated but I think that it should of been an issue. I also think that you are angry at her because she slept with some guy in Europe. I think that this is also not the behaviour of someone engaged to be married to someone else. It's a little shallow this relationship. There has to be more to it in order for the marriage to be valid. If you want to help her out by marrying her for the visa then thats one thing but don't hold it over her head. Either you do it or you let her go. Don't keep her guessing for 3 months no fair.
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