A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am really depressed and therefore i decided to open my heart to someone as this situation is totally eating me from inside...well last christmas i went for a holiday at a friends to improve my english and met this really great guy. at first i ignored him as i liked him so much immediately that i didnt want to fall in love with him coz i was scared. i spent 3 wks with him and it was great..2 days before leaving a friend of his asked him whether we are together. i said yes and he replied immediately with a no..i was insulted and after he explained to me he cannot have a relationship since he's a soldier i understood. so i just decided i would forget him. i came back to italy and he started to write me everyday and so i thought he was changin his mind. he told me to visit him for his birthday. i booked the flight and he told me that i have to catch the train to his house and that i cannot stay at his house but i have to stay with his friend and then he would meet me there. so eventually i decided not to go coz i was insulted and coz i had to study. then i felt really guilty but i just felt it wasnt right that i have to travel 5 hrs by train and that his friend will meet me at the train station and i have to stay at his friends house!! after a while he started contacting me less and less. and i thought it was because i didnt go. then he told me that he would come and visit me with 3 of his guy friends and he wanted to stay at my house. i live with my parents and i cannot have 3 men runing around the house. so i told him it is better to come alone, and he was reluctant. he had to go for 3 months to iraq since he is a soldier and told me to send him naked photos of me.. of course i refused as i have my dignity and he was telling me i dont trust him and that i am acting childish and he was really forcing me. when he left he rarely wrote me and when he wrote he just asked for the photos. he promised me we should meet when he came back as well. i waited 7 months!! instead after his time in iraq, he went on a holiday and started dating a girl which he once said that he just used her but now he says he is serious about it and have been together for 3 months. when i told him why he didnt wait for me. he told me that he never promised me anything, i shouldnt have waited for me and he told me, "what did you expect that you come here, get married to me and have children?" it really hurt me as he used me for 7 months just to get the photos (which thank god i didnt send) and he was only going to use me if i had went for his bday. but still i am depressed as i cannot understand why he used me so much but now he is in a 'relationship' with someone else. i cannot get over it as i cannot understand how he could have changed so much and how come he used me and not her. i cannot concentrate on my studies, i dont eat and i am losing weight rapidly and i dont leave the house. i really wish i get over it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): Hey I am the girl who wrote the question. i would really like to thank the person who gave me an answer as it makes a lot of sense =) I understand now that he didn't want any serious relationship.. but it hurts knowing that he is taking someone else more serious than me..and this is something i cannot understand...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008): Oh hun. First of all I am going to be 100% honest with you which may hurt more but hopefully will put things into perspective. YOU NEVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP with this guy. You may have been physical, you may have talked and stuff but it was not a commitment on either one's part. He was never serious from the start and I can't understand why given what happened, you thought there was anything? He couldn't pick you up from the train station (if you had gone), you had to stay at his friends house, he would come see you with HIS MATES. I mean come on ... is this the behaviour of someone that is looking for something serious. Then the photos...Be fair to yourself. Accept that he was having fun (this has nothing to do with who you are as a person). Don't blame yourself...gather yourself and move on. One of the best things I can advise you to do it to face what happened, forgive him (no need to contact him just in yourself) and move on. Be careful with men and make sure that it there is a commitment made to a relationship before you expect the guy to treat you as his partner. Good luck hun I am sure you will make it through this. xx
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