A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,A few months ago i had a one night stand with this guy, and the next weekend when me and all my girly mates were supposed to go out one of them cancelled on us saying she was going to this party. Later on i found out from another friend that this girl slept with the same guy. This girl is my best friend and i was really upset, although i forgave her as i needed her because i was going through a bad time in my life. What made it worse is that i spoke to her before i found out about it and she didnt tell me also when i confronted her about it she went 'i dont know why your so mad ive done nothing wrong'.Since this all happened ive noticed this girl also makes fun of me and calls it a joke, borrows my stuff all the time just takes it and uses it like its her own, calls me spolit and has digs at me about money, as i have a job with more hours so i earn more and my parents can afford to buy me more as im an only child.Im really not sure i want to be friends with this girl, but im afraid what she'll do as im her closest friend and sometimes she self harms. Also we have a holiday booked together with another friend.What should i do im really confusedThanksLolo (18yrs)
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best friend, money, one night stand Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for everyones help.
I think im going to stop seeing this girl so much and set boundries in the friendship. Hopefully she'll become a happier more independant person.
I also am going to apply to uni away now because i think i'll love it even though she tells me i wont. And then the friendship will come to a natural end.
Thanks again you've all been great
A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 If you become that attached to people when you have sex, you shouldn't be having one-night stands. I agree with what most everyone else has said, don't let her use you, and you need to find a new friend.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I agree with some that has been written but not all. Firstly, I do agree that you have little cause for complaint over this boy, it was a one-nighter and well...if this was your bf then obviously you would be entitled to be upset or else if you were more attached to this guy and your friend knew you were then again I would feel peeved but from what you have wrote here this was a fling and this guy meant nothing (and incidentally sounds like a bit of a player). I'm sorry but I tend to feel that, again on what is written here, she hasnt done anything wrong.
Otherwise you have more serious cause for complaint, having said that people who are like this (the self-harming would suggest she at least suffers from depression) can be very self absorbed and often are totally incapable of seeing how their behaviour effects others.
I think to be honest the guy is not the issue; the issue is how she behaves otherwise and the guy is merely a catylyst for feelings you have long held springing to the surface. I agree that you have to look out for yourself but that doesnt mean necessarily ending the friendship, it means setting boundries and being firm with her, if you feel her digs cross the line between banter and hurting your feelings you need to tell her firmly. Also maybe be more sparing on letting her borrow stuff, dont do it all the time. Be firm and weather anything she says especially if she tries to make you feel bad for not doing it; alternatively end the friendship. Its your call. Good luck :)x
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (12 December 2007):
 The biggest thing that struck me is this girl is quite obviously very jealous of you. She wants whatever you have, she wants to probve she is as good as you.
By you confronting her about the boy, which she had every intention of you finding out, youplayed right into her hands. Of course she knew she had done wrong, but she had the added satisfaction of knowing you were upset by it. She was sending you a clear message: anything you can do, I can do better.
But the thing is, she NEEDS you. She's in incredibly insecure girl, I could tell that even before I got to the bit about her self harming. And quite clearly, you are a softer, kinder person. You care about the welfare of this girl who has done nothing but put you down and treat you badly. But someone like her will always be a drain on those around her. Sometimes you have to put your happiness first, and not worry so much about others.
I know, especially at your age, how hard it is to break away from a group of friends, especially girls. When I was 18 and at college, I chose a group of girl friends to hang out with over another group because my group was more popular, pretty etc. What a mistake. I spent the next 2 years sorely regretting my choice, all these girls did was bitch about others, and each other secretly. I wished every single day I had the guts to just go and sit with the toher girls, who were all really nice, down to earth girls who would hang out at each others houses and had fun, and were friends because they genuinely liked each other, not because they wanted to look good status wise.
Sorry about going off a bit there but my point is you need to find a group of friends who want to be your friend because they admire you and enjoy your company, not girls who will slag you off and sleep with the boy you fancy behind your back.
You might want to think about what you enjoy, or activities you might want to take up. Ice sjating, street dance, aqua aerobics...The list could go on and on.
If you do decide to seperate from these girls, be prepared for a hard time. They'll cause grief for you but only because they admire and envy your ability to be independant, and your strength to stand up for yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Dont continue to let her manipulate you into staying friends with her. obviously she is not much of a true friend as you thought she was. You are letting her get her way so my advice is to take her out of your life if she is causing you problems. True friends dont betray other friends. She is being two-faced and you dont need that negatve vibe in your life. If you continue this " frienship", it would just cause more problems in your life and because of what you said, i dont think you need another problem to be added. Sort of push her away little by little such as not talking as much, hanging out less, etc. Dont let her manipulation cause you to stay her friend. Be the bigger person here and do what you feel you have to do. Good luck!
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