A
female
age
36-40,
*tsonlyme
writes:I live by myself.. with my pet cat. And I kinda like living by myself, however sometime I just wish I had someone to come home too.I moved out of my parents when I was 16 and went to hostels, but I wasn't on my own there, there were a lot of young people around me. Even so I didn't mind locking my door and finally claiming my privacy. When I was in the hostels I met my ex, who I spent three years of my life with. When I left the hostels he came with me and I lived with him for years. I cherised him, but our relationship wasn't what I thought it was.... and I see that now... I know it was domestic abuse and he was a cheater... and I'm better off without him. When I look back now I realize just how bad and voilent our life was with each other.But it's been a year and a half now that I been coming home to an empty flat with a cat.. and although I know I'm better off I'm so lonely now. My friends do not interest me any more... and any man that does my guard comes up so strong I just cannot fight it...So I'm starting to make conversation with myself, drinking wine and more wine, and enjoying my own company... I even get annoyed when my phone rings now! I'm becoming such a secluded person and I'm falling deeper into the trap ... I feel scared because now I'm starting to care for someone and when I feel happy I feel like we could have this great future and be so happy... but when I end up sitting on my own I feel like just giving up I couldn't possibly take a risk of letting this person in... They might humilate me and show that I'm vunerable to him! I know the answer is let him come round and spend time with him, but I cannot because he is in prison right now. I'm willing to wait and see and I beleive that he will be a better person, he has learnt his lesson. But I'm worried I won't try when I see him face to face.So.... I live on my own and I want someone to talk to..... I'm looking for some words of comfort and wisdom
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female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (4 December 2008):
 I know this is going to sound weird coming from me, but go to church! Find Jesus! I would suggest going to the movies, BUT you can be in a room full of people, and still feel lonely if not all the more lonelier. If you go to church people will actually talk to you, and become your friends (if you can find a good one and not a stuffy one.)
You say that your friends do not interest you anymore...are your other interests waning? You could be going through what is known as depression. I was depressed for some years, and then I was put on Lexapro, and I took it for about seven months. Now I am off of it, and things aren't that bad. Depression doesn't go away on it's own. You need to do something about it. If you have insurance it will pay for your meds, and some stores have discounted prescription meds. However, it is not good to drink with these meds.
Look up codepency online. You don't need this man to feel happy. Sounds like you are going in the wrong direction.
Best wishes,
Amanda
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2008): Oh my gosh. You stayed with an abuser for three years, and you like to be alone, save for the fact that you care about a man in prison.
You don't have a big problem being vulnerable, you have a big problem selecting men. You have no way of knowing if this man has learned his lesson and has changed.....all those things are easy to say to someone....The best indicator of a person's future behavior is their past behavior....this guy is not a good candidate for a relationship or friendship.
Get some counseling and find out why you are so self destructive in choosing men and isolating yourself from the world where the real people live whom you might meet and start friendships with. You may have a mood disorder or even a personality disorder that you need help with. Make an appointment with a psychiatrist or your doctor and tell them how you are feeling. It will be the best thing you ever did for yourself.....it will be life changing.
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