A
female
age
30-35,
*laire1987
writes:I went through a rough break-up with my ex' two years ago and it's ended in a court case. I have a hard time trusting people now but for the first time in a while someone has caught my eye, and for the right reasons. He isn't my usual type and he's shy, reserved and nervous, but he's interesting and I get a good gut feeling with him. Only thing is I'm not sure if he likes me that way too. We work together. Over the last 4-5 weeks tension has built. He always goes out his way to say hello or sit with me at dinner; he's complimented my hair on the day it was done and my shoe style. One co-worker saw us talking for a while at work and gave us both the watching eyes and smile but I'm not sure if she just saw it from my end. I went to a festival this weekend and he suggested meeting but not one on one and gave me his number in a friendly fashion, but I'm not sure if he's interested or if I intimidate him. I do come across confidently but it is a mask. After seeing him on Saturday at the festival and him approaching me to say hello without contacting each other I thought I'd get the balls to ask him for a drink this week. His response was 'Possibly yea. I'm working 11.30 to 8 and heading away to London towards the end of the week though so I'll see if I can.' So I just responded with 'yeah no pressure, the week after maybe easier with shifts, I'll leave it in your hands? I've done my part here?' and he just laughed and said he'd let me know. No giveaways here at all. He's come into my side of the building each morning since for coffee although he has a coffee machine at his end. The first time I pretended not to see him as I didn't want to come across too needy/desperate, the next day I admittedly checked him out and smiled in which I realised he is very awkward, he didnt know where to look and went red. I'm not sure if I'm scaring the poor lad or barking up the wrong tree. I like a confident person myself so I'm taking a leaf out of my ex's books and it's quite empowering. But am I scaring him? He is not awkward in person but around good looking girls he becomes very nervous and unsettled, he doesn't seem like this with me too much as I like to think I'm probably more of a down to earth person too. Opinions please :-\... Of course I haven't messaged him since he said he'd let me know and I've left him to his own space as we haven't bumped into each other to speak since.
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at work, co-worker, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 June 2017):
 Honestly it doesn't sound like he is much interested. The ball is in his court now, but my guess would be he would have at least contacted you to say hello instead off nothing at all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2017): I have "work-friends." The meaning is as it implies. I get along quite well with all my colleagues; but my interactions are kept well within the boundaries of goodwill and professionalism. I don't wish to date any of them or spend a lot of my personal-time socializing outside of work.
My career-life and personal-life are separate. They touch, but don't mix.
My co-workers have an understanding that although I accept their party and dinner invitations, go to weddings, or attend their celebrations; it is done out of friendship and respect. I genuinely like them, I show affection; but they know the boundaries. I also have a strong and happy relationship with my boyfriend. I did not meet him at work.
Now back to your shy pal.
He is warming up to you. It's very difficult to work with people all day and feel isolated from everyone. He knows it isn't a good idea to date people on your job. He doesn't call you or hasn't suggested or attempted any one-on-one socializing; because he is keeping a proper and professional distance.
He has maintained a borderline, you keep trying to cross, for his personal-reasons. Respect them.
Be kind and friendly, and leave things just as they are.
Seek romantic-interests away from your workplace.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2017): You really don't know what is going on in his head, and neither do we. For all you know, this fellow may be thinking a shy nerd like him could never get to first base with a beautiful, confident woman like you. Quite possibly he is awkward because he has never seriously dated a woman. Sure, don't be pushy or desperate, or in a hurry, or be messaging him, and be wary of awkward office romances - but for heaven's sake that doesn't mean you can't have a little bit of fun! Until you figure out where he's coming from, I suggest that you continue to be friendly, interested and available. No, I do not mean sexually available, but it must be at least a little bit exciting for you to consider all the things you could teach him. I do not agree that "there are plenty of fish", the ones that may be of interest to you are a rare species. So don't toss this one back into the water until you have had a really good look.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2017): TBH I don't think this guy wants to date you but he is too gentleman to tell you that, or he is enjoying stringing you along. You should stop dreaming and find a guy who wouldn't hesitate to date you. There is plenty fish in the sea.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (3 June 2017):
 The ball is in his court.
You've asked him out, you can't do much more. If he doesn't bring anything up about it, I'd just take it as he's a friendly person and that's how he acts around anyone. I don't see how you can be more blunt than asking a guy out for a drink m.
On the other hand, you need to tread VERY carefully here. So many questions are posted regarding work place romances going sour leading to awkward atmospheres.
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (3 June 2017):
If a man wants to ask a woman out he will there is no man to shy to do that.You have been friendly and have asked him out.....you cannot do anything more.It would be wise to let him come back to you.Do you know is he in a relationship.because you stated he was heading of to LONDON for the weekend....sometimes quiet men are not always easy to read.You are quiet right not to contact him.All contact must come from him.In the meantime,enjoy some hobby that you might have,arrange to go out with friends.treat yourself to maybe a new hair do....the main thing is do not get bogged down over this guy..there are plenty more fish in the sea.Kind regards NORA B.
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