A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I need a little advice from the neutral side. My boyfriend(we´ve been together for 2years) was away for a weekend because of work and I really missed him and was looking forward to see him on monday(we don´t live together). But on monday he told me he didn´t want to meet me because he is in no rush finally and has finally time for his hobby (he has one specific hobby). And that he would be busy with it also on tuesday which really made me mad. I was looking forward to spend the day with him after we didn´t see each other for all weekend and he told me we wouldn´t be together for another two days because of his hobby! it´s like he doesn´t miss me at all. yes, we were together before that weekend a lot but anyway..he could postpone his need for the hobby for later and meet me..or? So i got really mad and I´m not talking to him or reply his calls or messages (but in none of the messages was that he wants to be with me, he just wanted to know why i am so mad). Am I right or am I overreacting?thank you for advices. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (8 October 2013):
 He was away for the weekend, but you said you and he were together a lot before that, right? I can understand why he'd want some time to himself after a busy work weekend and a lot of time with you. Hobbies help people recharge.
I think he should have seen you if you both had planned to see each other and had made concrete plans. He shouldn't have broken an appointment. However, I also know how hobbies are, and unless he's doing that hobby and completely ignoring you on a daily basis for weeks, constantly breaking commitments or standing you up, then it's healthy for him to pursue hobbies in his life. You should do the same, to be honest. I know you were disappointed that he didn't rush to you after being gone for the weekend, but don't make everything a test of his "missing" you. You two were together a lot before he left for work. He was under stress over the weekend, and he needed some time to himself afterwards.
Give him the benefit of the doubt on this one -- it's not like he was out all weekend getting drunk with his buddies and then came home to do hobbies. He was working and needed some "me" time to recharge.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): First, what is this hobby? Unless it's another woman, why are you so upset?
You've been together for two years and you can't spare him for a weekend and a few days? I think that's being somewhat immature.
I think two years of commitment speaks for itself, and a little time to himself shouldn't mean you're not important to him. Getting angry is a childish reaction, and it's petty.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. To admonish a grown man for wanting some "me-time" is a good way to put more distance between you. Don't mother over him.
Yes, you are overreacting.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2013): Total overreaction, he wasn't away for fun, he was working plus he saw you before he left. The poor guy just wants to have some time to do something he obviously enjoys to relax after having a busy few days.
Ignoring him is how a child would behave, you can't demand someone to spend time with you and acting like you did is not going to make him want to come running to you any quicker is it?
Apologise to him for having a complete overreaction, ask how he's got on with his hobby and let him suggest when and where you meet so he can actually enjoy it.
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