A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a two year old son with his ex. She's psycho. I'm not really down with the kid. I'm 29 but I'm no where ready to have kids nor do I want to be a mom. Is it okay to be with him but not want the kid? What do I say to him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): There is nothing wrong with choosing not to be a Mother. Many women do this. However, you are dating a man who is a father. You do mention that you like the kid, which is so crucial when involving yourself in the life of a man who is parent. This child is just 2 years old and needs his Father's involvement, as much as possible. Can you live with that? And what if your relationship gets to the point where there is a future...living together...marriage? Child visitations, family holidays and a lot of time and efforts, will be spent with the child for the next 16 years! You may have no choice to be involved with this child, dear. This child has had to deal with the heartache of his parents splitting up. He certainly doesn't need to deal with a possibility that Dad's gf doesn't want to be a part of his life. In all fairness to your bf, you need to tell him...pronto. There is no special way to tell him, you just have be honest and compassionate. Men and women who date each other owe each other honesty about their expectations and goals of their relationship. And I think if your relationship ends up being a committed, long term thing, he has to know your honest thoughts and feelings, on how you feel about not being around his child. good luck, dear and take care.
A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (6 February 2007):
 I totally understand you not wanting kids. They're hard work when they're your own let alone the rest of the time. However the idea I get from your post is that the kid only spends a little time with his Dad. I would try and get to know the kid. Right now he's so young he probably seems kind of a waste of space but soon he'll become a real little person and that's the time to bond with him. If it makes you that uncomfortable you could always go out when they're spending time together but I think your relationship will last longer if you try to develop a relationship with the child. They're not that scary after a while!
CD
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (6 February 2007):
 I can empathize with you on not being crazy about kids. They're nice for an hour or two, but then they start demanding attention, making a mess, need to have their diapers changed.
However, you need to realize that your partner is the father of this kid, and if his ex is a psycho, then the kid is definitely going to need its father. Every kid should be entitled to one non-psycho parent, don't you think?
I'm afraid that if you want to live with this man, you will need to accept the fact that he has a kid and that the kid is going to be around some of the time.
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