A
male
age
30-35,
*amie Loves Lucy
writes:Hey, me and my girlfriend have been going out for 10 months now, im 18 and she is 17. She as recently entered that phase in life where she wants to go out and have fun with other guys, but she also wants to stay with me. More to the point, she has told me that she wants to be with me more than seeing other guys but beleives that she needs to get over this phase or it will keep haunting her throughout our relationshipSo i have just agreed to continue our relationship as an open relationship until she feels she is over this phase and is ready to commit to just meThing is, i cant stop picturing her in a club snogging some other guy's face off, him taking her hand and leading her to the toilets where he takes out his manhood and she starts working it for him with her hands and mouthShe has told me she wont do this but has told me that its possible when she is drunk, only down to the fact that she doesnt know what shes doing and that when people are drunk they tend to get overly raunchyI cant stop picturing her doing stuff with other guys, it makes me so jealous, upset and angry. We have only just started today so nothing has happened yet but still... I cant help but imagine meeting up with her and kissing her knowing that there is a chance that im slurping up some other guys ejaculateI dont particularly have the desire to try stuff with other girls, im ready to commit but she isnt. The main reason i agreed to this open relationship is because i want our relationship to work, and im hoping that once she gets through this phase (if it doesnt take too long) she will not want to get with other guys and that she will only want meAnother thing, we have agreed to rules; we are not to get emotionally attacthed to anybody during the open relationship; we are not allowed to exchange phone numbers with anyone; there is no sex involvedIm really not comfortable with this but i feel that if i dont then we will end up breaking up which i really dont want because i truly love her with all my heartI dont know what to do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): hiya... i'm 17 and recently i have entered a similar phase in my life as well... maybe not the open relationship part but the being apart part... i think that maybe ur taking something too seriously... she's only 17 give her room to grow. trying to make someone ur wife who isnt secure in her own future may be too much pressure for her... she needs to get to know other people and see other people before she commits to something SO serious. you cant expect her to be with you for the rest of her life... give her room to grow and room to breathe... plus ur 18... u need to go and have the time of your life as well****
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Oh my, I was with someone similar way back when. She had a crush on me but nothing came of it at first. Then at 16 she started dating a much older guy. A few months later we got together to work on a school assignment and ended up seriously snogging. We had an "affair" for about a year (all the while she's seeing the older guy), and after she & I were over she started picking up guys in bars. It took me years to understand that she was sowing her wild oats. She's been happily married to the original older guy for 20+ years now.
My point is that she may indeed come back to you after she's worked it out of her system. The question is, can you stand it? My gal was, as far as I know, never up front with her guy about wanting to see others, although he *had* to have been suspicious. If you're a jealous guy, I don't know how you could stand it. Even if you really love her, can you really settle down with a girl who might have run through half a dozen (or more) guys ostensibly on your watch?
A last thing. When I was having my fling, the worst STD around was herpes. Given that she's doing this whilst drinking, the odds of her having safe sex are slim. Are you prepared for what she might bring home?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): I would call her ASAP and tell her you are not comfortable with having an open relationship (before she goes and does something). I would say that you only agreed to it because you love her and dont want to lose her.
I am sorry to have to say this because I know that it is going to break your heart but you and your girlfriend have no future together.
If you stay with her in an open relationship you will drive yourself crazy thinking about her being with other men. If you stay with her and she agrees not to have an open relationship are you going to trust her to be faithful? I think not.
I would break up with her and find someone who is ready to commit.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, CupidGirl826  +, writes (9 September 2009):
Hey there,
My advice is drop this chick.
Why do you feel you deserve a girl that sleeps with other men and then comes back to you?
Do you REALLY feel you're worth that little?
Google the word, "cuckold."
Secondly, you mention this: Another thing, we have agreed to rules; we are not to get emotionally attached to anybody during the open relationship; we are not allowed to exchange phone numbers with anyone; there is no sex involved.
---There is no sex involved?
Yeah, ri---ght. I guarantee to you in less than a month you'll be back on this site with a question that talks about your GF being drunk and sleeping with another man - and can you trust her again, blah, blah.
---No attachment?
It's not like anyone decides who you get "attached," to. I don't go out and say, "I'm going to go get emotionally attached to someone tonight." It doesn't work that way. You meet someone new, and the chemistry is just there. When you're not in a committed relationship, and open to meet new people, you're risking the chance of the other person falling for somebody new.
You're on here posting a question looking for reassurance, but your gut-feeling tells you something is wrong about this arrangement. Listen to it.
You have to realize the other option, even if you tell her you don't want to do this. She has already expressed interest in meeting other men - it's highly likely she will do this behind your back as well.
You state that you're a jealous guy - nothing is wrong with it. It doesn't mean you have to change it, at all. You just need to be with someone who doesn't need 20 men in her life to be happy. You need to find the chick that just needs 1 man - problem solved.
All women are NOT like this chick. They don't need numerous men to be interested. She wants the benefits of a relationship (no break-up, someone to rely on, someone to talk to, etc) yet wants to live the single lifestyle.
You say, "I truly love her with all my heart."
You also mention, "I don't particularly have the desire to try stuff with other girls."
When you're content and happy in relationship (and love the person) you don't need anybody else (the same way you feel about her).
They say, "The greatest thing in life is to love, and BE LOVED IN RETURN."
She obviously does not have the same level of feelings toward you, DROP THIS CHICK.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (9 September 2009):
Yeah this really isn't fair on you is it.
She can either be with you, or she can go and have her fun.
You have to tell her that she can't have her cake and eat it. It's selfish and unfair.
Be strong and let her go. If you move on and she loses you then that is her own stupid fault.
It sounds like she is too immature to deal with the idea of a relationship at the moment, so she is coming up with this silly plot to get everything she wants and not give anything back.
Good Luck!! xx
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