A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I don't think of myself as someone who spreads gossip or talks about people, but lately I've been wondering if that's why this guy who happens to be my room mate won't date me. I admit that I've said some things to some people close to us, but it has always been about me. This guy (We'll call him 'Jim') and I had a potential relationship once he got his ex-drama cleared up. But since its been cleared up, it seems he doesn't want a relationship with me after all. I'm very confused, and I wonder if he thinks my "gabbiness" is a bad thing.For example, when I met Jim's brother ('Bill'), his brother was asking how I knew Jim. I told him the truth - knew him a long time ago, he used to work on my house, and just recently came back in touch. Bill asked how became his room mate. Again, I told him the truth - came over to hang out one night, he needed a room mate, I needed a place to live. Then he asked what Jim's girlfriend thought of me moving in. I told him the truth - Jim wasn't with the girlfriend when I moved in, it was my assumption that he was single.A couple days later, Bill and Jim are talking, and Bill asks when Jim and his girl (he was back with her) broke up before. Jim gets on my case about talking about his personal life with people. Apparently, Jim didn't tell his family (or anyone) that he wasn't with the girlfriend when he got with me and when I moved in.The only person I do tell everything to is my best friend, but its only stuff about me - how I'm feeling (happy, upset, excited, nervous, desires, etc) in regards to Jim. I saw him flirting with a girl at the mall the other day. I didn't say anything or do anything, but I sent a text msg to my best friend, basically telling her how incredibly jealous I was. Later, he was using my phone as she replied back, saw the response: "Oh well that'd be ok if Jim was your bf." He wanted to know what was said about him. He thinks I'm talking about him, telling everyone his personal business. I don't casually bring anything up regarding only him, and if something is said about him specifically, its usually in connection to the topic - "Oh, tattoo this or that." - "Yeah, my room mate is getting his tattoo done tonight." Or similar. I'm not gossipy at all, but I won't lie to people, and if he's lying to people, he can't expect me to cover for him or rather, not bust him in casual conversation if he doesn't warn me. I'd understand it a little if he was worried about a kiss-and-tell situation, especially with my best friend, but that's my best friend! I'm not going to give her details, but if I hook up with someone, she's the first to know. Is it possible that he's not interested in a relationship with me because I'm too "gossipy?" He knows I don't lie, and I'm trying to not bring up anything about him at all now, but it's just so hard to when we hang out all day and talking about me and what I did involves him.
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best friend, broke up, flirt, his ex, jealous, moved in, tattoo, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe had a talk today, there are other issues in it the whole situation. We kinda casually dated for a couple days around the time I moved in. We would have gotten together officially if it hadn't been poor timing on the ex-girlfriend drama, and now I'm starting to think I won't live up to her hold on him.
He said he just doesn't like people telling his business, whether its good or bad. The only issue he has with me is how I handle jealousy. When he's with another girl (flirting, cuddling, whatever), I tend to leave, not just because I'm jealous and don't want to be around it, I'm just trying to give him the privacy and respect. He takes it as a jealousy thing, and feels as if he can't hang out with other girls and me at the same time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2007): I'm afraid that when a guy acts that way, it's because he doesn't want you acting like you and he are together. He feels like he is being railroaded. If he wanted to be your boyfriend, he would treat you like that. Right now, you are room-mates. You are always talking about him in a way that makes everyone else feel that you are together, and you are not. That is why he is not happy with you. If you really like this guy, back way off and hang out with other people. Give him the chance to make the first move. If he doesn't, then you will no that he's not interested. Hope this helped sort it out, sorry if it wasn't good news. Good Luck.
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