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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been dating this guy on and off for about 3 years now. I just saw him for the first time in 3 months because we live far apart and I needed space because we were not getting along. I love him but I'm not in love with him. I'm not physically attracted to him anymore and I know he's going to want to hook up. How do I tell him that I just don't feel the same about him with out him freaking out? Please give me a word of advice. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2007): ive been with someone for 3years and i dont love him any more im in love with some one else what should i do and how should i tell him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): I just wanted to say that I went through exactly the same as you about a month ago. The important thing is to have a plan of what to say and stick to it. Of course, it will be a shock to your guy. (Mine didn't see it coming at all despite the fact that it had been going badly for ages). Give him time to understand what you have said to him and let him say what he wants back and leave when he asks. There will be shouting and anger but tell him you have made up your mind.
From my experience, the biggest thing that upset me was the fact that I felt guilty because he didn't know what I was going to say. However, despite how guilty you feel, under no circumstances agree to stay with him unless he has a genuine master plan for improving things. If you do stay with him, without this, things will be rosy for a few weeks and then things will just go back to the way they were which was what happened the first time I tried to break up with my guy.
Hold your ground and don't have any regrets-you'll feel so much better once you've got it off your mind.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (15 January 2006):
There is never an easy way to break off a relationship. Honesty is the best way but i feel that after 3 months apart, feelings do change so you can say that these gaps are not good for you because of the lonliness and lack of closeness and you feel you need to meet new people as your biological clock is ticking away.
Sure,he will freak and therewill be shouting and tears but dont be blackmailed emotionally into staying with someone who clearly doesnt press all the right buttons for you.
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A
male
reader, Neo +, writes (15 January 2006):
Tell him calmly and don't give him anything to freak out about, tell him your just not interested or that you need a break but you want to talk about it or you just want to be friends.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2006): You are just going to have to be honest with him, whether he "freaks" out or not. Tell him in person..on the phone or write him a letter. Maybe even e-mail him. The choice is yours.If you had to move away from him because you weren't getting along and haven't seen him in the past three months, I would think he would be getting the hint by now.Good Luck!
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