A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was in a "relationship" (with no labels) with this guy for about a year and 10 months. Last month, things ended when I got really angry and went off on him about all the grievances I'd felt throughout the relationship and especially this summer. See, we had agreed sometime in March that we would end last month because I would be moving away for school, and I had hoped for a summer of fun memories and a happy ending. What I got instead was him hanging out with everyone but me, and every time I tried to complain about his neglect he'd accuse me of stressing him and always fighting him and "this is why I stay away". So that one night, I'd had enough and I let him know exactly how I felt about him and the situation, and I may have insulted him in the process.The next day I tried calling him and found out he had blocked me. When I finally got through to him he said we were done, and I should leave him alone. So I also blocked him everywhere- on my phone, messaging platforms, social media, everywhere. And thankfully, I moved away a few days later so I didn't have to see him anymore.Going no contact was surprisingly easy at first, because it was fueled mostly by anger. And after the anger faded and I started to miss him, I reminded myself that there was no point in contacting him and if he really wanted to talk to me he'd find a way. I wasn't expecting him to though, as he has a bit of an ego, and he didn't.This past weekend, about one month post break, I went back for a friend's birthday celebrations. The night I got into town, another friend was having a house party so my friends and I went... only to see him there. He came up to me and asked that we go for a walk, that we had to do this sooner or later because we're in the same group of friends. Long story short, he apologized for how he was this summer, and went on about how moving on was hard because he saw me everywhere and pretty much all his memories were centered around me, and he'd grown attached to me. By the end of the night, we were kissing a lot and he was saying things like "i'd always fucking love you" "you can't move on, it's us" "we're not perfect but we work". We ended up having sex the next day, and I spent my last night in town in his bed. It was a lot of him admitting he screwed up and saying he couldn't believe he took me for granted, but not a lot of talk about what this meant for our relationship or lack thereof. As it is, I live 5 hours away, I just started grad school, so I'm not entirely sold on us "getting back together" but his words and actions all weekend suggest that is what happened? On the other hand, I don't know what I'm getting back into because our relationship was rife with him constantly cheating and being involved with other girls, and me always forgiving and moving on. And so while it was nice to hear all those things (and the sex was nice), I suspect that getting back together won't change anything in that regard, especially now that I'm so far away. All I know is, we're back in contact and definitely not just friends :/What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2014): [Edit] Hears a bonus reason: He probably doesn't think you're very smart.
Correction:
Here's a bonus reason: He probably doesn't think you're very smart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2014): Just appreciate how good the "goodbye-sex" was. I hope you had safe-sex, if you know the guy is a cheat. I don't know what you're getting back together for. You like guys that cheat and tell you that it's your fault?
You suspect he won't change, and your past fights were about cheating and involvement with other girls. I suggest you go back and read your post top to bottom. Then read it again.
Give me 10 good reasons why you should go back with this guy.
You'll be five hours away; and you couldn't trust the guy when you lived in the same town. You had sex, and now all is forgiven and the slate is wiped clean.
Girlfriend, what are you huffing or puffing?
If you can meet my challenge of 10 good reasons you should keep him, I'll understand.
Let me give you two reasons why you shouldn't.
(1) He cheats on you.
(2) He'll do it again.
Hears a bonus reason: He probably doesn't think you're very smart.
If there are no consequences, I don't see why he shouldn't cheat while you're away at school.
Girlfriend, you are soooooo willy-whipped!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 September 2014):
 You are being suckered in by his sweet-talk. He said the "love" word and it worked like magic on you.. After all you went home with him for some sex.
It wasn't a good or healthy relationship before, AND you know this. So you think if you make it into a LRD it will be good all of a sudden?
Sorry, I agree with You Wish - he is a sleazy dude who wants to keep having sex with you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 Ithink it sounds liike two people trying to ride a tricycle. it can be done but it's just too hard to coordinate so to heck with it, And, i think you sound like you're try to talk yourself into doing something really stupid just to placate the situation. Why not just beat yourself with a stick. It's easy and it won't hurt as bad as what you're contemplating. Good Luck, see you at the funny farm.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (23 September 2014):
 I mean this in your best interest, but you *do* know that you're insane for even considering going back with him, right? The guy constantly cheats on you throughout your relationship, neglects you and mistreats you, yet you're considering jumping to his beck and call, including going celibate in a town 6 hours away because of one night of sex and a bunch of worthless "I'm sorry's"?
That would be like being hungry and running to the nearest city dumpster in search of lunch. This guy is trash. He's not changed, and he's not the only guy with an ego. You got your ego vindicated by his seemingly contrite demeanor, but he really didn't change. He didn't love you when you were together, and the words of a cheater are worthless.
This time, don't just go "no contact". Move on and find someone out there who will actually be faithful to you, because actions are louder than words. This guy is not worthy and you know it. You got your "happy ending". Keep it as an ENDING or you'll feel like 10x the chump you did when you dropped you unceremoniously.
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