A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My lab partner and I recently started seeing each other. After 3 years of being with a person whose emotional and conversational skills could probably be surpassed by a hunk of wood's, the guy seemed like a nice change of pace. We talked quite a bit via text and both seemed on the same page when it came to maturity and intelligence. He's a 24-year-old pre-med major, I'm a 21-year-old pre-vet major, we had a lot to talk about in between. I thought, maybe dating a guy who was a little bit older than my usual age-range, maybe I wouldn't have to put up with as much crap as I had before. I broke my number one rule in dating of not waiting a few months before sleeping with a person and slept with him a few weeks back. The sex has only happened a few times, and was mediocre at best. I have come to find that I am completely un-attracted to him. I have tried really hard to convince myself otherwise, but I can't even stand how he smells. Being with him physically is not enjoyable to me, but I still enjoy talking with him. The problem here is that he is far too in to me. I told him from the beginning that I am mildly commitmentphobic, that it was a bad idea that we took things so quickly, and that we ought to slow down before things got out of hand. Yet in the three weeks or so that we have been "seeing each other" he has bought my car a new grill (which probably set him back at least $70), stocked his house with the specific cereal I eat, told his family about me in detail, and overall will not stop being pushy about moving forward in the "relationship" despite my repeated warnings to slow down. I am not sure what to do. I thought I was ready for a relationship, but I don't think I am anymore, especially not one in which attraction is not mutual. I can't tell if he's being nice or too pushy. And I'm unsure how to break things off without offending him or hurting his feelings excessively. The only thing I can think of is paying him for the car grill and bowing out gracefully due to my lack of feeling ready and my desires to just focus on school right now.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2012):
Yes. You say you are not attracted to him. You don't need advice. Just listen to yourself.
A
male
reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (1 March 2012):
 Unfortunately there isn't a way in which you can break it off without hurting him. It is clear that he thinks the world of you and unfortunately you don't feel the same. But you cannot continue this relationship, the longer you keep it going the worse it's going to be for him when you do finally break it off.There is no easy way of doing it but for something as fragile as this, you cannot do it via text or facebook or whatever. You're going to have to do it face to face to let him know exactly why you can't be in a relationship why. If you do still want him in your life then by all means let him know that you still want to be friends and still feel that he is one.The only problem is that most guys like to cut and run. So you may not get him as a friend depending on how he feels about the break-up. it's an unenviable position and by all means offer to pay for the car grill if you feel that's going make you feel better about the money he has spent on you. But I doubt he's really going to want it. I hope it takes it as good as possible so that it isn't too painful for him or for you. I hope this helps, if you need anything else just ask. Good luck and make sure you're not blunt with him, let him down gently.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 March 2012):
 I believe that what your describing is a "strictly ORAL" arrangement!!!!
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