A
female
age
36-40,
*neeyeopenoneeyeclosed
writes:I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 42. We've only been dating for a few months, but our relationship is amazing. Both of us are completely out of our elements though. We're both surprised that we've fallen for each other, because we've never been attracted to people outside of our generations.... we're just unexplainably attracted to each other. We've known from the beginning that there were going to be life-stage issues that we'd have to work through, but have only recently had to deal with any. My main qualm is that he's been divorced twice and has a 3 year old daughter. I have never been married and I don't have any children. His daughter is a doll, but I'm not as comfortable with the divorces. I'm working at not being hurt or jealous, because I know he can't change his life experiences, but sometimes I can't help it. Quite honestly, I'm coping very poorly. I'm concerned that I'll drive him away by acting clingy and needy in response to my insecurities. He's been incredibly supportive and understanding thus far, but I don't know how to deal with this and get past it. His support and understanding can only hold on so long before I drive the both of us to insanity. Any advice?Thanks.
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 Laura is right - and you are right, too, that you need to calm down and relax and accept his strong reassurance and let his past go. He's had a life - you wouldn't want him any other way. He wouldn't be the guy he is now without all of that having gone before. And he's obviously very keen on you, which is why he's trying to help you cope with his history and not let it get to you.
When people get divorced, it is because they've come to the end of the road together. Always remember that. If this guy had told you he'd had two previous relationships but they hadn't been right in the end, would you be so worried? Is it the fact that he loved them enough to marry them that gets you? Yep, he did, but he also ended up not getting on with them enough to get divorced from them. He lived life maybe a little too emotionallly, and made mistakes, but we all do.
I think he sounds a good guy, and if there is this great rapport between you, you should just enjoy that. You have to be really firm with yourself - he's doing all he can, but only you can really help yourself. These women are in the past. He wants to go forwards with you. He has effectively rejected them, a while back, and chosen you - be happy!! You've got him! You can afford to be gracious!
Or is it that you're scared the same will happen in your relationship with him? If so, remember this: every relationship is like that - every new day is an adventure - you can't be certain of anything, but then again, neither can he, and he's got more to be worried about, because you're 24 and he's 42 ; ]
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 March 2008):
 Just take each day as it comes.
Don't worry too much.
Try not to be clingy .
Think more positive instead of negative.
Be happy and contented with what you have.
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A
female
reader, kittikat +, writes (22 March 2008):
 As a 29 year old divorcee who's dating a much older divorced man, I know that it can be difficult. I have been separated/divorced for almost 8 years now and am completely at terms with the dissolution of my marriage- I rejoiced when it finally ended :-) My ex-husband and I are quite friendly, which is good because we have a 9 year old together. My boyfriend on the other hand, does not get along with his ex. We started dating about 6 months after they separated 5 years ago (they were only together about a year) and I've realized now that he didn't have time to heal appropriately from his divorce before we started dating. He also has a child with this woman and she uses the daughter to constantly hurt him and is always mud-slinging and bringing up relationship issues. This bothers me because it's been over 6 years now and there's no reason to have so much anger and emotion involved (in my mind). So, I find myself wondering all the time whether or not they still have feelings for eachother and it does bother me from time to time. One thing that I have to focus on is the joy that we bring eachother. Remember that what he's experiencing with you is different and that you are not his ex-wives. Try not to be so self-conscious and let your true self shine! Life's too short for anything else. If it doesn't work out between you, then that was the plan. If you're meant to be together, you will be. I'm a firm believer that the people who touch our lives and cross our paths each add to who we are and who we become. So, for now, just focus on enriching eachother's TODAY so that you'll have a better tomorrow. Hope this wasn't too flaky for ya! Good luck!
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