A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now (I'm 31 and shes 24). I love her but we definatley have our ups and downs. We have openly talked about getting married and I assure her I want that in our future. The thing is she will often ask why I am not ready to get engaged. That question is usually followed by her crying and saying that if I really loved her that I would not hesitate to get engaged. Then she will start asking how long I am going to make her wait. I usually try to calm her down by assuring her I love her and that I look forward to that but don't have a real reason why I don't want to get engaged right now. Honestly I am not afraid of commitment/ marriage . The problem is that we have been having a lot of difficulties with arguing in our relationship and I want to work all that out before I even think of asking this girl to marry me. I could never tell her thats the reason why I havent committed yet as this would send her flying off the handle. What can I say/ do to get her to calm down and realize that I love her but want to take things 1 step at a time? Her argument is always we have been seeing each other for 2 years and if I'm not ready now I never will be.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (4 November 2008):
I think you have to tell her something. Tell her half of the truth. When she has a go at you for not proposing then tell her that this is an example of why you don't feel ready yet - you argue all the time.Yes it will cause her to cry and yell more but you have to be honest with her.If she is looking for someone to marry and have kids with asap and you are having doubts enough that you want to take things slowly then I think she has a right to know.She has to know whether it is worth looking elsewhere for her diamond and house with a nursery. If that's all she's after in life then she may not be the girl for you any way.Good Luck!! xx
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