A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a girl, and as far as I know I'm not a lesbian. But, I know this girl, who does happen to be a lesbian. When I first met her I thought she was really pretty, but as I got to know her better I started to actually be attracted to her...and we'd hold hands often or lay on my bed together. But it would never go further than that, even though I think deep down I wanted it to. And once or twice she'd say or text something that made it seem like she liked me, but knew she couldn't because I'm straight. So, it was very surprising to find out that she has just recently gotten a boyfriend. I don't understand how this happened...or why i feel hurt. Am I hurt because I feel like this means there is a part of her that I don't know? Or, because I thought she liked me?...which is selfish I know if I was never going to reciprocate the feelings...or am I feeling so betrayed(for lack of a better word) because I genuinely liked her too?
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female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 Argh...I wrote 'putting down your thoughts on paper." Sorry wasn't mean to say that but I think you get my point. :)
A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (3 June 2010):
Glad we could help somewhat. I read your response and you say it feels good to put your thoughts down on paper. Perhaps try writing about this and see if you can figure it out by doing that. It helps me sometimes. You can always do it on a computer and just delete when you're done. Best of luck figuring this out :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): Thank you both so much for the promt advice! I just found this out about the new boyfriend, and I was overwhelmed and couldn't talk to any of my friends about it. Thank you so much for helping calm me down. Lexie88, I think it might have something to do with my ego...I didn't think of it like that, but I totally understand the situation you described about that guy you knew in college. Now that I think of it, liking the attention and knowledge that she liked me probably played a big role in how I reacted to the news that she had found someone else, a guy no less.
The question you asked, "if you had a chance to be with her, would you?" really stood out to me. And last night, I tried to decide what I would do if the situation arose. On one hand, I feel like, at the moment, if I had the chance to be with her I would. But then I think about all the complications, about my family and friends and the way society reacts toward same sex couples in general...and thats what keeps my answer from being "yes." Not to mention, what if I changed my mind? That could ruin our friendship, and all the struggling I may have done with my other relationships would have been for nothing..
Ahh, sorry to ramble on...I guess it just feels good to actually put the words I've been thinking for so long into the universe, even if no one ever reads them.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1  +, writes (2 June 2010):
The only thing i can say is only time will tell! and no'one really has an answer for that. the only way you will know if you're feelings are true is to give her a kiss and thats forward but how else are you going to know? how much longer will you keep asking yourself these questions! are looking for answers or advice! When it is right infront of you.
GOOD LUCK!!
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A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (2 June 2010):
You are upset because you thought she liked you and now she's gone off and gotten a boyfriend which to you sounds like she's saying "I didn't actually like you.' It doesn't have to mean that you're lesbian.
I think your ego is a little bruised from this. We all feel like this when someone we thought liked and wanted us shows us that in fact they didn't, or don't anymore. Let me give you an example. When I was in college this guy chased me for months. He was a nice guy but I wasn't interested. I loved the attention though. When he finally realized there wasn't going to be anything he left me alone and soon enough found himself a girlfriend. I was hurt and couldn't believe it. Why? Was it because I liked him? No. It was because I enjoyed the attention and I wasn't getting it anymore. It was an ego thing.
It is possible though that you did genuinely like her as well but for whatever reason you didn't want to let it escalate into anything.
Ask yourself if you had a chance to be with her, would you? If the answer is no, but you would still love her company and the attention she gives you, then it's more likely a case of a bruised ego, nothing else.
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