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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I'm so depressed right now. I'm living in an Asian family who show definite signs of favouritism among son and daughter. My parent are also feminist. They give large portion of their assets to my brother. They prepared his future so well. Sometimes i feel so angry and sad whenever my parent discuss about 'his' assets. I get so jealous of him. because he's born as a boy and gets the attention and security of my parents, while (for) me as daughter they don't prepare anything for my future. He knows this and he uses this to bully me. He deliberately hurts me with my weakness. I hate him. I'm sure he can't preserve the responsibility given because his lack of common sense and experience. He's easily fooled several times by others and gets defensive whenever parent advise him. My parents even can't control what he wants and does. I know my life wouldn't be as bright as his because I have a fiancee who is still unstable financially and struggles to be independent (his family is middle class and they have better lifestyle than us in some cases). To make it worse, my family is way more wealthier than his.. this makes my parents more or less underestimate him because they think people who try to be independent has uncertain future. My brother will have better life than me because my parents. Ii feel it's so unfair my parents treat me like this. My fiancee's parents treat their children equally without dividing their gender. His married sisters still have close relationship, and get attention and help from them. Maybe im not lucky enough because my fiancee's parent would probably love their daughter than me and my parent would love their future daughter in law. Nobody would love me.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 If your parents give money to their son but not daughter, then I can't call them feminists. Money can't buy happiness. A brother who takes advantage of this inequality is a sad little miser. Anytime you see siblings fighting over legacy, or feeling resentful for the lack of money, you see a dysfunctional family.
When you depend on others for love, then you place yourself in the weaker position and you give power to others. Love is inherent in all of us if we just know how to tap into it. It is limitless. There is no pie chart on the amount of love you can give to each person.
Money is important and a reality. Sometimes it's hard to feel love without the dollar sign. You are still young and have lots of time to build your career. Then you can rise above the others and show that you have love to offer even if there has been no support from the beginning. Don't worry about the lack of love now. Practice giving love, and to people who are receptive, then it will come back to you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2015): I am sorry your parents and brother treat you poorly.
My parents also showed a lot of favoritism to my siblings. My sister was my mother's favorite and my brother is my father's. It was hard and sometimes still is to see them get things without working for them like I had to.
I got through this by becoming independent very soon. I moved out before I was your age and worked hard to build my own life. I do not feel bad that my siblings may seemingly have more money than me, (though they are struggling more than I am by living beyond their means) because I have earned everything that I have, and there are no strings. Not true for them. They get handouts but then have to be beholden to the wishes of those they are dependent on.
I think if you practice focusing on what you have, instead of comparing yourself with your brother, you will be much happier. You said yourself that he is weak-minded and easily swindled out of things. He will probably never be independent from your parents.
On the other hand, you are already starting to build your own life that is separate from your parents and brother. Good for you! You can marry who you like, and you will also be proud of your accomplishments because you earned them and worked for them. You have your fiancée's family to look to for support and praise when you feel down or frustrated.
I also suggest you work on moving out as soon as you possibly can. Ideally to your own place, not in with your fiancée yet. I think you will feel so much better about yourself when you know you can support yourself on your own and you see that your life is just fine that way. You don't need your parents to support you.
When you are older you will see that you don't need to spend time with your parents and brother much since they do not nurture you.
It is hard sometimes, but remember we all have to go out there & make our own luck. Only what you earn is really yours. Work on getting rid of your attitude of entitlement by focusing on what you are doing that is positive, and you will be much happier.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ  +, writes (8 December 2015):
 Have you ever spoke to them about how you feel? MAybe they are set in their ways and won't try and make a change, but if they are in any way caring people, they SHOULD make the effort to understand their daughter's feelings and problems- whatver they are, it's called unconditional love. Maybe they're not aware enough of the favouritism they show or how it affects you.Surely they must love you deep down.. although there are a lot of people that aren't good, caring and just shouldnt have kids! I think you need to let go of this resentment- it does seem unfair but you're making yourself depressed and bitter, not doing yourself any favours.. if everyday you wake up and dwell on how unjust things are, youre just going to make yourself mentally ill- whether it's justified or not. Anger and resentment really does EAT you up. There was this woman in the concentration camps who said "she forgives the nazis, not for them but for herself" Some people will never be satisfied! You can't live your life for others, just for you- do what you WANT with your life. Pursue anything you're interested in and focus on finding happiness in day-to-day things, there is always something to be thankful for, no matter how small- you're healthy, youre not disabled, you have a husband etc. Instead of letting resentment eat you up, focus on YOURSELF and doing WHATVER makes you happy. Small thing slike me-time. Maybe you want to go to college, do it! It's worth asking them directly for the money, as it IS only fair,like you say. IF your parents dont do the same for you as they did for your brother, then that is horrible- but it just shows the kind of closed-off people they are- so DONT let them get to you. Some people are unlucky when it comes to having supportive, loving parents. Look at Mike Tyson, or child abuse victims. Anyway, dont know what country youre in, but you can usually get loans.Having lots of assets alone doesn't make someone a success- it can usually be pretty hard to make money in this world without selling out anyway.. but you can do what you believe you can do, so start believing, not resenting.Parents should be unconditionally supportive and loving. If they're not, then dont let that ruin your life or hold you back. Take care..
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