A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey everyone! just looking for some advice on what i should do...ive been going out with my girlfriend for 8 months and she refuses to have sex with me, will not even do oral stuff with me. she says she loves me but im not sure how to go about this. she wont even talk dirty or do anything along those lines with me...she says she wanted to wait to be in love with me before even thinking about sex, and we are big time. everything else is great, we have fun, get along great, click perfectly, but still nothing.. i really wanna experience it with her but she refuses. i dont know i feel like im never going to get laid and that im doomed forever. makes me feel insecure about myself
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female
reader, anonymous39 +, writes (9 January 2011):
Could she have been abused sexually?
She shuts down when you try to get her to open up about the possibility of sex.
I think there is a deeper issue here.
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 Now all you can do is be supportive of her decision and wait for her to be ready. You're not a pig as such, people have urges and i admire you for respecting her choice to wait.
Just keep reassuring her that everything will be ok, and that you're there for her if she needs you. Quick question? Does she shy away from contingent touch? e.g squeeze on the shoulder, hand on small of her back when moving through crowds etc? Or is it just sexual touching that she shies away from? If it's just sexual stuff, try using more contingent touch to get her used to having you close by and actually touching her in a non sexual way. She may be frightened by the idea of sexual contact, some of her friends may have told her horror stories of how other lost their virginities and it freaks her out.
Just try your best to reassure her that everything will be ok. This must be tough for you, but stay strong, you must love her very much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I did talk to her about it and she seems to get uncomfortable discussing it, I don't know why. She just said she isn't ready. I told her I want her to be ready and not regret it, because her having any sense of regret would break my heart. I know it sounds like a pig I'm a pig and a horny fuck, but I actually just wanna share making love with my girlfriend and take that next step, She could very well be the one. I'm 22, am not a whore by any means (only have done it with 2 other girls) and simply want to take that next step with my gf. She says she feels bad for me, but wont do it with me yet (which i totally get and respect). Still just feels like she doesn't want to and by the sounds of it, doesn't want to even think about taking that next step anytime soon. Just doesnt want to touch me for some reason. And no she hasnt had any sexual past, I'd be her first.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): Have you or she ever had sex before? Does she have an STD and not wanting to tell you. Is she only willing to wait for marriage?Power to this woman if this is the case. There needs to more like her. You probably brings little sexual baggage to the table. Maybe you have to marry her, for the right reasons of course. Is she the 'one' or are you just hoping to get some? If you're just waiting to get some then consider yourself a douche and best be on your way and don't try and guilt her into having sex with you. You'll just join the ranks of douche-dom. If you're in it for the right reasons then learn how to masturbate if you haven't already. If you've waited around this long without complaining too much then chances are you are a decent dude. Then consider yourself extremely fortunate because this woman sounds like a keeper. Sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders, confidence, and self esteem. Consider yourself lucky one more time because there are a lot of messed up women with a lot of baggage and sexual pasts. Believe me, you do not want to deal with that. Let us know the reasons why she says she is this way because I have daughters I'd like to influence.
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A
female
reader, jumper2992  +, writes (4 January 2011):
 I dont think you are doomed forever.. Im sure when she is ready she will let you know. It cant happen only because you want it. You should ask her why she isn't ready then maybe you two can talk it out if shes unsure or something.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (4 January 2011):
All you can really do is talk to her about this, explain that it makes you feel bad about yourself. She has given you a reason already, but if she's adamant to stick to it then you can either respect her wishes, or finish with her (which is something you probably dont want to do)
So just talk to her about it, i know it's not an easy subject to discuss, but try not to push the issue to much, or she could turn and walk away from you.
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