A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:At the beginning of the year, I broke up with my gf of 3.5 years because we weren't compatible for marriage. I haven't seen or spoken with her since. Unfortunately, I'm still very much in love her and I haven't been able to get her off my mind. Hence the no contact.I'm nervous because I just learned that our respective teams will be matched against each other in a friendly charity sports match next month. I pulled up a photo of her as a "test" and now I'm tempted to bail on my team and not to go. Am I being a child? I don't feel as though I have anything to prove by going. From a purely selfish standpoint, I don't see how this will help me get over her and the negatives far outweigh the positive. Giving the emotions at play, I thought I would ask for your outside perspective. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI saw this old question in my account and I figured I could give an update.
I went. She wasn't there. I remember having a really good time. Should anyone else find themselves in a similar situation, I recommend doing the same.
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (18 June 2014):
 I don't know that I'm particularly objective as I had something similar happen, with my first love. We had a shared commitment some months after we broke up, and I decided to "be adult" and invite her out for coffee afterward. I was still very in love with her (and would be for some time to come), I did learn more about the break-up (there was in fact someone else, although she'd denied it at the time). All in all I found the experience wrenching, and if anything it set back my 'recovery'. And note that the conversation I'm telling you about took place 34 years ago, so it's fair to say it made an impression.
If you don't feel like going, don't. You'll be doing yourself a favour.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI suppose I am being immature about this. Thank you for your advice.
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (18 June 2014):
 Honestly I think you are being a little silly even considering not attending! YOU broke up with HER and so you should lie in that bed you made for yourself.
Maybe she won't go, maybe she won't talk to you if she does and you bump into one another and maybe you are more scared of that rejection or facing her after letting her down than you are of how you feel in terms of loving her.
The relationship didn't work out an it is common to harbour feeling for someone long after a break up because of the what-if's and remembering the better times and the parts of the people you did love and so it can be easy to get mixed up.
PERHAPS going to this game could actually be the closure you need, rather than the heartbreak you think it might be?
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (18 June 2014):
 If you still in love with her, not a good idea to see her. If you broke up with her and did not think you guys were compatible , then you need to review whether its was something you could work together on and whether a reconciliation is an option. I am looking at the fact its six months and you are still very much in love her.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (18 June 2014):
I take it she ended the relationship and wanted no contact? Otherwise, it sounds like you two need to talk to see if there is love on both sides. I can't help feeling there may be a chance of reconciliation if so.
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