A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok so there’s a woman I met via on line dating, we had our first date last week, we met up for drinks and I paid for a meal, then went for more drinks afterwards. We seemed to click, were not short of conversation and I do like her (a lot).She’s been texting every day and multiple times a day since to which I have replied. I realise she is interested or she wouldn’t bother.I have asked her out again, from the information on our first date she said she liked monkeys so I am taking her to the zoo then on for a meal afterwards.I figure the zoo will be a good place to talk and find out more about her.I think past relationships for me have failed because I exposed my feelings too early on probably scaring them off. I don’t want to blow it this time so am holding back any feelings I may have for a few months at least but worry about if I dont show them will she think I am not interested in a relationship?Just thinking about hand holding and kissing goodnight etc… is this really appropriate for the second date?I closed the first date with a quick peck on her cheek and a quick hug for a couple of seconds.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers, they all helped.
The date went well. I just went with the flow and it all happened natrually :-)
The zoo was an excellent place to talk and bond a bit more.
A
male
reader, Universe Man  +, writes (13 August 2010):
"I think past relationships for me have failed because I exposed my feelings too early on probably scaring them off."
Very common. I've done the same thing. I'd say handholding is a maybe, goodnight kiss or brief makeout is a yes, and putting any of your feelings for her into words is a DEFINITE NO.
Just play it cool. Cheerful, humorous, casual, fun. Outward displays of affection (other than in the bedroom) are for your girlfriend. Verbal outpourings of affection are for your wife.
You probably stuck your neck out when it came to initiating contact or asking for the first date. Ideally, SHE should stick her neck out a bit when it comes to initiating affection. Give her something to chase, and I think she'll chase it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Don't be offended but you sound like your a teenager. Stop trying to plan your moves. ie: holding hands, kissing etc! Just let it happen naturally. Just be yourself. Don't try to be what you think she's looking for. You sound like a guy that is too nice. Just relax and let her come to you.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (13 August 2010):
 She likes you! In the improbable world of internet dating you may just have struck lucky. Don't get carried away and propose just yet. There is no need to plan anything - if kissing seems right then fine, but don't think about the exact events of the date. Go out, get to know each other more and monkey-around if it feels right (sorry!). You should go on lots of dates before deciding to tell her how you feel.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): I would say it's normal, but I've never been in a relationship b 4. I say u should come out w/ your feelings but subtley. Especially if u do end up in a relationship anyway, wouldn't u tell her then? It might b weird 2 do this on any date, but if she can't b sympathetic, that shows just how much she really does care; zero! If she won't b there 4 u, she's a waste of your time. Besides, some girls might think it's cute! I would tell her u like her, but don't tell u that u r in love w/ her or that will scare her off. She might think u r 1 of those creepy weirdos who just want sex or something. Tell her about how interested u r in her, this is usually more subtle than pulling out the big guns! Goodluck!
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