A
female
age
30-35,
*uncake
writes: Hey! I've got a really, really serious problem and I wish someone could help me because I really don't know what to do. I'm 19 years old and the guy I'm dating is 27 (quite a big difference with ages but that doesn't bother us). We have been dating for half an year and see each other few times a week. The problem is my drinking habits. Because of my young age I have been drinking alcohol regularly just over an year, but every time I go out, I end up drinking too much, blackout and next morning I hear from friends what kind of awful things I've done. Many, many times this guy has picked me up from a bar cause I've been sleeping on the couch or been kicked out of the bar and have no place to go. He has said I have to change if I ever want us to be in a serious relationship and I totally understand that, cause he is ashamed of me and wouldn't go to a bar with me because of my drinking habits. I've been trying really hard to cut down but I can't. Last friday I decided to drink only light drinks, suck as beer and cider, but when I got tipsy I started taking vodka and tequila too and when he came to the same bar to see if I was okay he saw me sleeping in the corner, again. Then he had to take me home....again. But there's more. When I'm too drunk I have a strange habit of kissing my friends, boys and girls. He doesn't like it, and I've been trying to stop it by not drinking too much, but last friday I did it again and even when he saw me doing it. Also when I do it when he doesn't see I have a strong urge to tell him about what I did, I don't know why. And it's not just kissing on cheeks or something like that, but kissing on lips and sometimes very passionately, even if I dont feel anything for the person I'm doing it with. I spent the whole weekend with my guy but he didn't mention the whole kissing thing in any way, I just heard it from my friend later when I got home. I don't know how he feels about it and I don't know if I should discuss with him. I feel horrible and I'm afraid he stops liking me or something. I have a very low self-esteem and I'm all the time afraid he's dumping me or something like that and I guess that should make me act the way I deserve him, but not. Please help me, I don't know what to do!
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 If you can't stop drinking then you need to seek help for your alcohol problem/addiction. If you are an alcoholic, you need to stop drinking cold turkey.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 December 2013):
 You have an alcohol problem. You are an alcoholic.
You can't say no and you can't stop. You can't just drink beer and cider.... you must stop drinking 100%.
At 19 I can tell you that you have about 10-15 years of hard drinking (drinking more than once to fall down drunk like you do) before your body rebels and you become permanently sick.
SMART people will run from relationships with you and well they should.
I strongly suggest you find a local AA chapter that caters to teens... your partner can go to Al-Anon to figure out if he wants to leave you (wise choice on his part) or figure out how to stay with you.... but unless you get your drinking controlled ASAP you can kiss a good life goodbye.
I know I'm married to a 40 yr old alcoholic who can go a week or more without a drink... who holds down a good job and functions daily. In the last few years his body is failing apart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2013): If you are doing all of this at age 19 and do not have the ability to know when to stop, you are surely heading for real alcohol problems down the road.
You recongnize what the problem is, yet you can't figure out what to do? Okay, here you go. You need to stop drinking. Period. Enough is enough. Your boyfriend even knows you are out of hand, and eventually he's going to come to the realization that your drinking is not what he wants in a girlfriend. If you are incapable of going out and just having a few drinks and handle yourself in a responsible and respectable manner, then you cannot drink at all. Find other things to do with your weekends.
And all this drinking and then kissing other people? Okay, knock it off. You are asking for a boat load of other potential problems if you cross paths with the wrong person. You could get raped for one. You are out of hand and you need to get a grip. None of this behavior is even cute or funny and I can understand why your boyfriend is embarrassed.
The only person who can fix this problem is you. If you need help, there are plenty of organizations who can help you with your drinking problem, and it's probably a very good idea. You can turn this around if you really want to. Is all of this *really* worth losing a boyfriend and friendships as well as your reputation? Is it? I surely hope you can reconginize, it is not.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Its your choice, drink and lose the BF eventually or stop drinking and save yourself and relationship. There is no other advise anyone can give u.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2013):
 Easy solution stop drinking if you can't control your alcohol intake.
Seems to me that blacking out either means your body doesn't process alcohol well OR you don't know how to just have a few (like 2-3).
Plus drinking vodka (which really doesn't have much taste and is HARD to gauge how much you really had, mainly because it's either mixed with soda or juice) and tequila (which honestly NONE can control how it affects you) Perhaps you NEED to stick to soda for a while. If you can't stop yourself after a few beers then really STICK to soda.
I worked a couple of years as a bartender and I tell you when WE drink it's ugly. I had ONE episode of blacking out - apparently I walked home (didn't say goodbye to anyone or grab my coat (in winter) and just walked home.) I was LUCKY that I ran into a guy who lives not far from me and he actually walked me home and he also woke up my friend (and neighbor) so she could help get me into be. But the thing is I DO NOT REMEMBER any of it. SO many bad things COULD have happened. I could have died IN my sleep from alcohol poisoning or if I had puked in my sleep. After that episode... I stopped drinking. Because like you I couldn't just have a few. I'd empty a bottle. I became the designated driver which meant SODA only. And trust me I had as much (if not more) fun then when I was drunk.
I mean WHAT fun is sleeping in a corner of a club/bar? Seriously? Or getting thrown out?
Just because you now legally CAN drink alcohol doesn't mean you HAVE to.
Then talk to your friends and BF have then HELP you NOT drink.
OWN up to the fact that you are NOT a good drunk. You can't hold your liquor.
Does it mean you can never drink? No. but you need to learn how to drink without going overboard or being stupid about it. Such as have 1 glass of wine with dinner (or a beer) and then NOTHING more. EVERYTHING in moderation. YOU need to learn moderation. Anyone can drink, Let's face it. But knowing your limit is harder.
Good luck.
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