A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok, this is gonna be a long one!i have a choice to make and i'm going insane trying to figure out which is the best way to go.i have had depression for all my adult life (i'm 33) and i've always had trouble with self esteem. as a result i have gone from varying degrees of being a lively sociable person to being very withdrawn and closed off from all around me. 9 years ago i met a wonderful, gentle guy who understood everything about me and for the first time in my life i was able to open up and reveal the real me. he was always very supportive, helped me see the world in a different way and actually brought me out of my quiet shell that i'd put myself in. this didn't happen overnight and took a number of years of patience and perseverance on his part. he's completely in love with me and always has been. my question now is, am i really in love with him?i ask this because despite everything he has done for me, in july last year i ended the relationship to go with a guy i had just met! i unceremoniously dumped him after months of not talking to him and keeping my feelings of being fed up with the way things were, bottled up and festering in my mind. he was devastated!my/our lives have always involved cannabis and social drugs and this was the main thing that i'd had enough of - the lifestyle we were leading. the new guy i'd met offered a completely different, drug free, way of life, where i wouldn't have to struggle financially anymore and have a more stable and quiet life. (my longterm b/f is heavily into the music scene, promoting etc. and although there is nothing wrong with that, i've been shying more and more away from going out as i feel i don't belong with these people anymore).anyway, after being with the new guy a few months (and i really felt a great connection with him, and vice versa, and we had great times together, i was happy in a different way), i started having doubts, (mainly because my 11 year old daughter didn't like him). i chose to end it (several times in fact, the poor guy) and go back with my b/f. believing it would be the right thing to do for myself and my daughter and my b/f.3 months down the line and i am back in my shell and i have been unable to communicate still. staying clammed up and miserable and the whole time being unable to get the other guy out of my head! i know from recent correspondence that the other guy would have me back right away.my b/f has been doing loads to help change things - trying to get me to talk, doing more around the house etc.i don't know whether i'm just taking the easy way out and running away from a relationship that needs a lot of effort to get back on track, or whether i really do want to be with the other guy for a new and different relationship.i don't know what to do. i'm finding it hard to get it all down in writing as there is so much to try and explain - i could go on for ages as there is so much in between!basically, do i stay with a guy who loves me to death and would do anything for me and knows me better than i do (even though i'm fed up of the lifestyle he leads) and work really hard on our relationship to get back what we once had? (the physical side of things have become difficult and non exsistent too).or, go with a guy who can offer me stability, even though i don't know him as well as i do my b/f, and who stirs real passion in me? am i just afraid of change or do i really want to stay? aaaaaarrgghh i'm sooo confused!!!!!i,ve done so much self anylizing i think my head is going to explode!!!i'm torn between the two of them but feel i owe it to my b/f to work at us because he's gave me so much emotional support over the years. but then i could have this whole new clean way of living with the other guy, who is also understanding of the ways of depression.so sorry if i've rambled on a bit,i hope some of this makes sense.any advice would be greatly appreciated, i nedd to get this sorted and a decicion made as quickly as possible.
View related questions:
drugs, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): If you don't love someone then don't stay with them. Be truthful the first guy and tell him what's gone on. It will probably upset him, but lies hurt more. Drugs will fuck you up if you take them all the time.Personally I doubt the second guy is the best thing ever, esp if you haven't been out much. Your best off getting your life on track. Work on diet and exercise to stop the depression.
|
