A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi4 years ago my partner and I met another couple (I was 18 and my partner 24) and the other couple (male 37 and female 28).At first I did not have feelings for the male of the couple but he soon started to make it clear that he had feelings for me, and I reciprocated and every time we went through to see them we flirted outrageously (none of our partners noticed and if they did nothing was said) we also chatted on MSN when our partners were at work and we were not.Then everything died down for 2 years and out of the blue I got an email from the male of the couple and we started talking again like before and this time we phoned each other aswell. We met up but the female of the couple thought it was just for drinks as she joined us but we went further and she wasnt happy although she was in the same room as us and happy at the beginning. Anyway we (me and the male) still spoke after that on the telphone everyday. One night I was drunk and stupidly text him knowing full well he was home with her and everything came out in the open, although again me and the male still telephoned each other. I told him I was falling in love with him and he kept saying "you didnt have to tell me that" I have no idea what he meant by it and I never asked at the time I just text him and said I wouldnt be contacting him again. Well a few weeks ago he messaged me online and we spoke briefly and that's the last I heard from him but I'm missing him sooo much, so much so that when me and my partner do the deed it's as if im cheating on this other guy and I cry afterwards.What do I do me and my partner now have 2 kids.Sorry its sooo long but I really need adviceThank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): thanks for the advice but in all honestly that was only part of the story of how I am feeling and if I had added the rest it would have been sooo much longer. My partner has had his off time and also used to beat me (until I fell pregnant) I was never allowed out with "male" friends as he didnt trust THEM although I had known them 1 year befor I met him (actually met him through them), now I dont see them or any of my female friends either because he didnt LIKE them. Why does this other guy contact me tho, thats what I dont get, we live a good 1 1/2 away from each other so its not like its for a quickie as he knows it isnt that easy to get away (for either of us)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): If your heart is with this other guy and you cannot have him or he will not be with you, then you need to cut all contact and go through a period of 'loss' for the 'relationship'. I think you cry as if you are cheating because in your heart your loyalty (love?) is with this other man - I am sad to say I bet he does not cry for you when he makes love to his partner. I have experienced this and it is terribly painful. It is easy for others to judge but you are caught between desire and duty. The overall thing is though, that this situation and this other guy is not making you at all happy. For this reason I say learn from it. Cut the contact. Be kind to yourself during the next few weeks and find plenty to distract you. The addiction, attention and craving for the other guy will gradually fade. It will also help you see your current relationship clearly - for good or bad - and you owe it to your kids, your partner and yourself to start from a position of clarity.
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (14 September 2007):
 Hello
I think the way you are going you are just keeping your partner because you cant have the other which is really unfair to your partner. in life we have choices and at some point we need to make a choice and i think you are in that stage where you need to choose between your partner and your guy outside. you said you have fallen for the guy then where does this leave your partner? if he finds out you are not inlove with him anymore do you think he will congratulates you? i dont think so, so i say stop being so dishonest to your partner and start figuring out who you really love and need in your life and when you are busy doing that dont forget your kids as well. but dont keep your partner because of them because it will really be unfair to both of you. do the right thing.
Jovial
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A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (14 September 2007):
I feel so sorry for your partner. Where is your commitment. I guess yo are what they call the "me" generation. I suggest you get this other guy out of your mind by concentrating on your partner and your children.
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